


Sweet Lies

by sleeping_daisies



Series: To Build a Home [1]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, F/M, Infidelity, Inspired by Music, Non-Graphic Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-06-27 10:32:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15683652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeping_daisies/pseuds/sleeping_daisies
Summary: Shortly before properly proposing to MC, Saeran does the unimaginable and irreparably fractures their relationship for good. But how will everything turn out when fate brings them back together, and MC's shocking secret is revealed?





	1. Blowout

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I was recently inspired by some good K-Pop bops and decided to write this angsty fic. I, along with many, many, others wholeheartedly believe that Saeran (or any of the other MM love interests) would NEVER be unfaithful to MC. But, for the sake of this story, I picked my soft boi. 
> 
> Every few chapters will feature Saeran's POV to gain some insight into his thought process. Please enjoy^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Billie Eilish- "Hostage"

**_Kshh!_ **

A crystal glass shattered inches before MC's feet, causing her to retreat towards the bedroom. Saeran's shrill voice followed her, shrieking accusatory vitriol at her. 

"I said answer me! Are you fucking around with Zen?" 

Though they had harmoniously been together for almost three years, the past two months were filled with nothing but fighting. For some odd reason, Saeran had become increasingly paranoid about MC leaving him, and recently MC found herself being moodier than usual. 

MC looked at her long-time with an extreme look of disdain and answered him with an incredulous laugh, "For the last time, I am  _not_ sleeping with Hyun!" MC could almost pinpoint the moment where she saw Saeran snap and his amber eyes narrowed on her. She felt like a small girl, cowering against the wall in fear. Her boyfriend would never hurt her, but his occasional outbursts always frightened her. Although Unknown had been long gone, each time Saeran lashed out, MC would worry that his sadistic side had returned. 

"Oh, so he's  _Hyun_ now?" His tone was scornful and his eyes shot daggers at the love of his life. MC felt a little hurt; since the beginning of their relationship, MC had made it clear that she and Zen had a brother-sister relationship. In her eyes, he would always be Hyun Ryu before the actor Zen. The fact that Saeran was using their closeness as verbal ammunition hurt her greatly, and she could sense that Saeran acknowledged this as well. "H-He's always b-been Hyu-Hyun to me... Why do you h-have to be so cr-cruel, Saeran?" she choked. MC, the girl who rarely cried, now had thick tears streaming down her face. Each time she and Saeran fought, she had taken it in stride, assuring herself it was just bottled-up stress making his deep-seeded insecurities resurface. But today was different: he dared to accuse her of cheating on him.

A sorry-looking Saeran grabbed MC into a deep embrace, holding her tight against his chest. "God, MC. I'm so sorry for saying that. I didn't mean any of it. I know my princess would never do that. Fuck, I'm such an idiot. I love you so much," he apologized as he kissed the crown of her head. MC leaned into his chest, her tears wetting the white button up he was wearing. But before MC could speak, their tender moment was interrupted by a barrage of knocking coming from the front door. Saeyoung's jovial voice echoed throughout the apartment, letting his younger twin know that he had arrived. 

MC quickly pushed her boyfriend away, wiping her tears away in the process. "Sweetheart, you should get going. The guys would probably kick the door down if you canceled at the last minute," she said quietly. Truth be told, MC didn't want Saeran to leave, but Jumin had been planning his bachelor's party for months now. Both Hyun and V had busy schedules, so the C&R heir had to celebrate nearly a month in advance. It would be selfish of her to keep Saeran from a night out, anyway. Saeyoung and Yoosung's bickering traveled through the door, letting MC know the men were getting restless. 

MC straightened Saeran's shirt for him and ushered him to the door. As they passed the kitchen threshold, she noticed that her boyfriend glanced at the broken glass on the floor. "Hey, don't worry about it, I'll clean it up," MC assured as she unlocked the front door. "But you owe me a new glass. And a kiss." She pushed herself up on her tiptoes and stole a kiss from his lips, then giggled. 

"Alright Saeyoung, I'm releasing the prisoner into your care. Make sure he's tortured adequately," she joked. In one fluid motion, MC opened the door and pushed her boyfriend into the arms of his identical twin. Jumin and V waved goodbye to her, while Yoosung excitedly conversed with Saeran and Zen. All was good, for now at least. Sighing deeply as she locked the door behind her, MC then grabbed the broom and dustpan and swept up the broken glass. After discarding it in the trash, she looked around their shared apartment looking for something to do. There was  _one_ thing she could do... But to be completely honest, MC was too afraid of the result.

In one of her outings with Zen and Jaehee, she mentioned that she had missed her last period. Upon further prompting, MC also said she and Saeran had been fighting more often, probably due to her irritability. The actor left, then returned with a box of pregnancy tests. He said nothing, but MC knew that he was silently scolding his 'younger sister' for her irresponsibility. It wasn't like her and Saeran were never safe: she was on birth control, and they only had unprotected sex a handful of times. Since that night, the box of tests had been sitting in her underwear drawer, hidden by layers of stockings and socks. 

But curiosity would eventually kill the cat, and tonight MC felt more emotional than usual. Although no one was home, she sneaked around the apartment and stealthily opened her top drawer. Stuffing the box under her shirt, MC made her way to the bathroom and ran the faucet. After urinating on the first stick, MC placed it face down on the bathroom counter and quickly used the other two tests. After 20 minutes— or probably even more, due to nerves— MC flipped the three tests face-up and felt her stomach drop.

 

**+**

 

All three tests had the same result: positive. Although her stomach churned with anxiety, MC's heart swelled with pride. The love between two people had created a little life, one that would surely be loved. This relieved a bit of the burden from MC because she was confident that once she explained the reason for her moodiness, then the fighting would stop. Clenching the three test close to her chest, MC examined herself closely in the mirror. Soon, she would emit the 'glow of motherhood', and she would become chubbier with every month. But it would all be worth it for the birth of their little angel, who would grow up with two doting parents. Even if she and Saeran weren't officially married yet, in MC's mind they had been married ever since they began their lives anew after Mint Eye. 

Still high off her giddiness, MC reluctantly hid the three positive tests in a polka-dotted sock. She would definitely surprise Saeran soon. He would be so happy, and so would the rest of the RFA. The thought of Saeyoung making baby toys, Zen singing lullabies, and a babysitting Jaehee made her heart swell. MC laid in bed and googled every question and concern she had about motherhood. She'd need a diet rich in iron, monthly check-ups, and baby-proof furniture. Thankfully Saeran's commission's from being a freelance web designer meant they could afford everything she would need. As MC felt her lids slowly grow heavy with sleep, she began thinking of baby names. She definitely wanted something flower-related, since that was what brought her and Saeran together. With the list not even 3 names long, she was overcome with sleep and dreamt of her little one.

* * *

 

The weight on the bed next to her was not enough to wake MC, but the feather-light caresses of her hair and shoulder disturbed her slightly. She groggily turned to face Saeran, who was laying on his side, bright golden eyes staring into hers. His breath reeked of alcohol as he apologized over and over. "Are you still upset about our fight earlier?" MC innocently asked. It was typical for him to sulk about a fight all night. She hoped his mood didn't ruin the bachelor party too badly.

Her question went unanswered, though. Almost instantly, Saeran's lips crashed into hers and the acrid taste of booze stained her taste buds. Usually, when Saeran drank he still tasted like maple syrup. But tonight he tasted different. Figuring it was just the changes that came with motherhood, MC scooted into him and met his kiss back with one of her own. They explored each other's bodies, although Saeran seemed reluctant to let MC go down on him. He instead focused on lavishing her with attention, to the point of edging her multiple times. Once they were both at their limits, Saeran flipped MC onto her stomach and pressed into her. In their many years of being together, MC could only remember a handful of times where they had sex in this position. Being the romanticist he was, Saeran always insisted on having MC look nowhere but at him. 

Either way, she enjoyed the new sensation. Saeran seemed to be enjoying himself as well, as he kept chanting MC's name over and over. Once they had both reached their climaxes, Saeran quickly fetched them both a towel to clean up and pulled MC onto his chest. Saeran mumbled into MC's hair, "I love you so much... I promise I'll never hurt you again." She snuggled in closer to her boyfriend and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm not even mad anymore." He sighed deeply and nuzzled into her hair. "I know I haven't been the best boyfriend lately, but how about we start over? Pretend like all of this... fighting... never happened." Being the sweet, lovable girl she was, MC immediately agreed. Their child would want a happy mother and father, and a fresh start would be the only way to achieve that. "MC... You're the best. My irreplaceable princess," Saeran cooed into her ear. If Saeran's superficially apologetic words had been a clue to the horrible way he had hurt her, MC completely missed it. She was so convinced of their love story that nothing could remove her rose-tinted glasses. 

 


	2. Cherries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saeran POV
> 
> Inspired by BTS- "Fake Love"

A familiar anger bubbled in Saeran’s chest as he launched a glass at the floor. He hadn’t planned on it shattering near MC’s feet—he just wanted to throw something to alleviate his wrath. Saeran knew it was unhealthy for a grown man to throw tantrums like a child, but he had no idea how to handle his feelings of inferiority. Despite the rage in his mind, he made a mental note to get back in touch with his therapist. When Saeran noticed MC retreating into their bedroom, he became even angrier. MC had begun to develop a habit of running away and locking herself into their room whenever they argued.

Before he could stop himself, more scornful words left his lips: “Oh so he’s _Hyun_ now?”  Saeran knew what he was implying. MC and Zen were the closest of all the RFA members, but it was due to the actor thinking of his girlfriend only as a little sister. Since when did he begin to feel so jealous of a man he knew was not even a thought in MC’s mind? Despite the fact he was acting irrational, Saeran knew he truly did adore MC. His paranoia was offset from the nerves of recently purchasing an engagement ring for his long-time girlfriend. His mother never married, and Rika and V had a toxic engagement, so his whole idea of marriage was distorted. He used to view it as a 'trap' used to manipulate others emotionally. There was no need for him and  MC to officially marry because they had a special bond already. But he when saw how happy Jumin and his finaceé Carina were, and Saeran knew that should be the next step for him and MC. 

But right now, he didn’t see MC looking at him the way Carina looked at Jumin. Instead, he saw tears spilling from her beautiful brown eyes. MC’s broken voice immediately snapped him out of his selfish tantrum. "H-He's always b-been Hyu-Hyun to me... Why do you h-have to be so cr-cruel, Saeran?" He immediately regretted his words, worry painting his features as he pulled MC into a hug. He had royally fucked up, big time. Saeran wondered if he had truly ruined any chance at a future with MC, and he apologized profusely. "God, MC. I'm so sorry for saying that. I didn't mean any of it. I know my princess would never do that. Fuck, I'm such an idiot. I love you so much…” He meant every single word—MC truly was the light of his life.

And as usual, his idiot brother had to ruin such an intimate moment. Before the two could properly kiss and make up, Saeyoung began acting like a twit at the door. Jumin’s bachelor’s party was tonight, but all Saeran wanted to do was hold his girlfriend in his arms and apologize all night long. But his friend had worked hard at coordinating a night when all the men could get together, so Saeran couldn’t bail this time. He felt incredibly guilty as he walked by the shattered glass that littered the kitchen floor. But MC being MC, insisted he go out. After a quick kiss goodbye, the group of bachelors set off to the bar. Yoosung talked Saeran's ear off about this classmate he was interested in, while Saeyoung gave the poor student absolutely _horrible_ advice on how to woo her. Something in Saeran's gut was telling him going out was a bad idea, but he wanted to enjoy tonight regardless.

* * *

The thumping bass made it difficult to hear what any of his friends were saying. Saeran leaned closer to V so he could listen more carefully to the blue-haired man's story. Something about Jumin and Carina's wedding gift. Saeran nodded as the photographer droned on and on about his planned gift, but it was hard to concentrate. All Saeran could think of was how stupid he felt. Accosting MC with baseless accusations was the last thing he wanted to do. He still couldn't untangle the complicated feelings of jealousy that he felt towards Zen. For now, he wanted to just forget about how shitty he felt for hurting MC like that. He flagged over the bartender and ordered the strongest drink available. Although Saeran always ordered sweeter alcoholic beverages, he wanted to drown out the memory of the cowering, upset MC. How stupid could he be?

A lot more, apparently.

After three drinks, Jihyun had to stop him from ordering a fourth. "Saeran, you seem to be bothered. Are you alright?" The redhead ignored his friend, his gaze being caught by a woman at the end of the bar. Her hair was so dark that it looked almost purple, and her painted lips were as red as cherries. V nudged the younger twin, trying to catch attention. "Oh? Yeah. I'm fine," Saeran mumbled. He couldn't take his eyes off the woman, she was truly beautiful. No... Maybe beautiful wasn't the word. She was tempting. The way she crossed her arms to bolster her exposed breasts was enticing, and she was clearly batting her eyes at Saeran. 

Ignoring the man next to him, Saeran got up and seated himself next to the alluring woman. She angled herself towards him, their knees now touching. A drunken Saeran stumbled through his words, slurring every other syllable, "Your lips... They remind me of cherries." He could tell the dark-haired woman herself was quite drunk as well when she giggled the fakest laugh ever. "Would you like a taste, handsome?" Saeran's skin crawled. He hated compliments based off of appearance, except when they came from MC. So why was he still talking to her? Why couldn't he leave?  _Why did he say yes?_

These questions raced through his head as he let the dark-haired woman lead him towards the bathrooms. Their threaded fingers caught V's attention, and he grabbed his friend's shoulder. "What are you doing?" Jihyun shouted above the music. Saeran stumbled as he tried to pull away, but that only made V tighten his grip.

"Buzz off, will ya?" The redhead grimaced as he twisted out from under V's hand. Trying his best to stop Saeran from making one of the biggest mistakes of his life, V stood his ground. "You're drunk. You don't even know what you're getting yourself into," the photographer retorted. "If you do this, you will ruin everything MC has done for you." For a split second, Saeran weighed his options, but that was quickly interrupted by the woman tugging at his hand. Off they went towards the back of the bar, leaving a flabbergasted V in their wake. 

The next thing Saeran knew was that he had 'cherry lips' pushed up against the wall of the stall as he fumbled with his belt. "Front pocket," he mumbled into ther neck, and the woman obliged his request. She procured a foil packet from Saeran's wallet and he hastily sheathed himself with the rubber. No matter how loud the bar's music was, it was practically impossible to drown out the pair's lascivious moaning. Their lips messily collided and each thrust was just as sloppy and unhindered. Once the woman had reached her climax, Saeran relaxed and let himself release as well. A wave of sickness washed over him as soon as he pulled out of the woman, and he crumbled to the floor and hung his head over the toilet bowl. 

After unloading the contents of his stomach into the toilet, Saeran felt like he had sobered up a bit. For some reason, though, he felt incredibly light-headed, and the swelling pressure in his groin had disappeared. He noticed the used condom and felt another wave of nausea flooding over him. What the hell did he just do? He would never... No, it was impossible, there was no one in the stall with him either. Saeran tried to reassure himself that he was probably so drunk that he had jerked off into a condom. Yeah, that's it. That's what happened. Saeran had convinced himself to re-write the truth in his head. He hastily fixed his trousers and shirt, making sure to look presentable enough. Noticing his wallet was gone, he cursed himself for having lost it. He would have to make up an excuse to MC as to how he lost it.

Immediately after opening the stall door, he was met with a displeased V and distraught Saeyoung. "What's up, guys?" he croaked, his voice feeling raw from vomiting. "What's up?" V repeated, his voice raising slightly. " _Whats up?_ Is that all you have to say for yourself?" Saeran looked between the two men, unaware of the bright red lipstick smearing his face and neck. A dejected Saeyoung grabbed his brother's shoulders, his hands trembling with fear.

"Brother... how could you do that to MC?" 

"Do what?" Saeran replied, "I can't remember a damn thing..."

Just a tiny white lie. He was pretty sure he knew what happened, but Saeran didn't want to admit it.

Then he saw it. In the mirror behind the two men, he spotted his disheveled hair and lipstick-stained mouth. For the first time in years, Saeran felt like he wanted to die. The worst-case scenario did happen, he had broken his vow to MC in the most irreprehensible way. He was lower than the lowest— a true scumbag. His eyes watered as he studied his appearance, his fingers desperately combing his hair back into place. "Oh my God... No. No, no no. What the HELL!" He shouted as he slammed his palm onto the grimy mirror. He spun around to face his friend and brother, visibly shaking from the shock of his bad decision. "Why didn't either of you stop me?!" Saeyoung made himself busy by fetching Saeran a damp paper towel, while Jihyun tried to contain his anger.

"I did try to stop you! But you seemed to care more about some random hookup than me, or even your own girlfriend. You just up and left the bar with her, and the next thing we hear is you two getting well acquainted in a dirty bathroom stall," V sneered. In all the years of knowing Jihyun Kim, Saeran had never once seen his friend and mentor so angry. Wiping the crimson off his face, Saeran could barely look V and Saeyoung in the eye. One bad decision had basically crushed his entire mental state, and he could feel a panic attack ensuing. Saeran clutched his brother's shirt and pulled him close. He was about to have a meltdown, the thought of losing MC clouding his mind. "You can  _not_ tell her. Please, Saeyoung! She'll leave me... I'm nothing without her!" There had been very few times the younger twin had asked his older brother for assistance, and now was one of those moments. Saeyoung awkwardly looked away, making eye-contact with Jihyun. "I err... I can't promise that, lil bro... MC is my friend. I can't lie to her like that." Saeran shoved his brother away and clung to Jihyun, begging the mint-haired photographer to be discreet. 

Once again, his request was met with the same response. "Fuck! I was going to propose. I had everything planned out for us," Saeran whimpered. "Please, you guys. Do this for her, not for me. She doesn't deserve to know I'm a piece of shit scoundrel. It would kill her!" He dropped to his knees in desperation. Both Jihyun and Saeyoung looked at each other and then back at Saeran's pitiful display. "Saeran..." Saeyoung began, but he was promptly interrupted by V. "We won't say anything unless MC comes to us. If you love her as much as you say, you'll come clean about this. What you did was unforgivable." For a brief moment, the weight on Saeran's shoulders had lifted and he felt that he could breathe once again. Telling her would be easy— she always forgave his mistakes. He could do this. Collecting himself off the floor, Saeran nodded and thanked his two companions. The rest of the night he actively avoided Zen. He was the  _last_ person Saeran wanted to see right now. If word of his infidelity got to Zen, the thespian would run straight to MC before Saeran got a chance to explain. It was impossible to enjoy the bachelor party now; Saeran was stuck inside his own head. He couldn't pinpoint the reason why he had fucked that woman in the bathroom stall.

Why was he so horrible? Why did he have to instigate so many fights with MC? Why did she choose to love someone as cruel and heartless as him? Saeran could never forgive himself.

* * *

Saeran swore to himself to make it up to MC. He would come clean, and work hard to prove his worth to her once again. But when he arrived home early into the morning, he couldn't even bear to wake her. The way her brunette hair framed the delicate features of her face— the face he hoped to see every sunrise and sunset—made her appear even more angelic than usual. Her quiet breaths filled the bedroom, and Saeran began to feel even more conflicted. What if this was the last time he could see her sleeping form? She would surely dump him if he came clean about his infidelity. What would he do with himself then?

He was stupid. So incredibly stupid. He cursed himself silently, hoping that in his next life he would be reincarnated as the roach he deserved to be.

Saeran couldn't help but watch MC as she slept. She was too perfect, too pure. He unknowingly reached out and touched her hair. His hand traveled down to her bare shoulder and lingered there for a few seconds. When MC stirred in her sleep, Saeran's heart stopped. Fearing she'd be able to tell he had been with another woman, he scarcely gave her a second to comprehend the situation. "I'm so sorry for being such an idiot earlier. I promise I'll buy you as many glasses as you want, baby." MC, being the sweet, thoughtful woman he didn't deserve, asked if he was still upset about their fight. That question alone was too much for Saeran to handle, and he let his instincts take over. It would be better if he slept this horrible feeling away, and the only way to do that would be to give his girlfriend the same attention that he gave the black-haired woman. 

No words could describe how dirty Saeran felt making love to his girlfriend shortly after hooking up with some random woman. He couldn't even attempt to look MC in the eye, instead opting to have sex in a position where he could avoid her gaze. His mistake would be his burden to carry for the rest of his life—forever reminding Saeran of his failures as a partner. No, his failure as a decent human being. 

Post-coitus cuddles couldn't have felt more wrong, yet so right. Saeran knew he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with MC, but the ever-present thought of his mistake was threatening to ruin the moment. Breaking the silence, Saeran spoke sweet nothings to his girlfriend. Although he appeared remorseful, in reality, he was just trying to make himself feel better. "I know I haven't been the best boyfriend lately, but how about we start over? Pretend like all of this," _lying_ "fighting... never happened." Why couldn't he just say lying? What was preventing him from coming clean?

When MC immediately forgave him, Saeran felt the pain in his heart swell even more. He didn't deserve her.  _She_ didn't deserve this— a relationship being tarnished by his moment of weakness. But Saeran needed her by his side, even if it meant keeping secrets from her. 

"MC... You're the best. My irreplaceable princess." He smooth-talked her to sleep, while he was left wide-awake. Saeran was too disturbed to sleep, afraid that he would wake up to an empty apartment. That night, he held MC to his chest like his life depended on it. He swore to himself to man-up and ask her to marry him and to never stray from his love for MC ever again. At least the potential thought of a future with his girlfriend was enough to grant him a few hours of sleep. Tomorrow would be a new day, Saeran promised himself. He would change for the better to ensure he and MC would have the happiest life imaginable. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was way longer than I had intended it to be, but I really wanted to flesh out the guilt Saeran felt. I hope it doesn't sound like I am excusing/promoting infidelity. What he did was morally reprehensible and inexcusable. I personally have never been cheated on, but I would assume that said cheater would either: A. not feel remorse or B. would experience a lot of guilt, much like Saeran. 
> 
> Buckle up, because the next few chapters are gonna be full of lots of angst.


	3. So Far Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by BTS- "Lie"
> 
> (That song got me through this chapter tbh)

The past two weeks had been perfect.

Almost  _too_ perfect.

The fighting between MC and her boyfriend had basically stopped, although she was still suffering from crying spells. She hadn't planned on keeping her pregnancy a secret for so long, but she wanted to test the waters to ensure that Saeran would keep good on his promise. It's not a lie, just a surprise, MC reassured herself. Every morning she was tempted to break the news, but it never felt like the right time. But today was the day. MC planned out the entire affair— homemade breakfast, a stroll in their favorite arboretum, and then the big reveal. She wrapped the three positive tests in a small box and left it hidden in her sock drawer for later.

Humming her favorite tune, MC prepared breakfast: French toast with lots of syrup and whipped cream. Saeran was already up and about, finishing his morning routine in the bathroom. Just as she plated up their meal, Saeran wrapped his arms around her torso and pulled her close. Damp strands of vermillion hair stuck to MC's temple as he nuzzled into her cheek. "You look gorgeous as ever," he mumbled. "I'm so lucky to have met you. You're my paradise." Each word was accented with a kiss to either her cheek or neck. MC nestled into his torso and sighed contently. Every day felt like she had fallen in-love with Saeran all over again. "Mmm, I love you too, but let's eat. I'm starving." MC flashed her signature grin and placed their plates on the table. The two of them ate in a content silence, enjoying one another's presence on this peaceful Sunday morning. She could tell that Saeran enjoyed their sugary breakfast, and thought about how cute it would be to see their child enjoying the same meal. 

Because MC made them breakfast, Saeran offered to wash the dishes. She watched him from the sofa, noticing the way his forearms flexed with every movement. He smirked when he noticed her staring, his amber eyes crinkling at the corners. Many people couldn’t tell the difference between Saeran and his twin brother Saeyoung, but there were subtle differences that set them apart. Her boyfriend—for example—was slightly shorter, but his face was more well-defined. He also had long eyelashes and fuller lips. In all honesty, MC could never believe that someone as handsome as Saeran settled for someone as plain as her. MC’s reverie was interrupted by a frantic knock at the door. “I’ll get it!” She shouted as she dashed to answer it.

A tall, curvaceous woman waited in the doorway, her hip jutted out to one side. “Who are you?” She spat at MC. The woman tossed her dark hair over one shoulder and leaned in closer, now inches away from MC’s face. “I said, who the fuck are you?” MC blinked and stuttered, “I-I live here! Who are _you_?” The raven-haired woman scoffed and showed MC a familiar black wallet. The one she had given Saeran for Christmas two years ago. “Does Saeran Choi live here? This is the address listed on his ID.” MC was almost too scared to push for details. She was fairly confident she had figured out who this woman was, but against her better judgment, she opened her mouth. "Why do you have my boyfriends wallet? He said he left it in a taxi." The woman's astonished reaction when she mentioned 'boyfriend' confirmed her suspicions. He had cheated on her. 

MC looked back at the kitchen and saw Saeran drying his hands on a dish towel. He must have heard the commotion and was coming to see what the issue was. She noticed the frightened look painting his features when he saw her. Of all the things that could have happened, his biggest mistake had to show up on the doorstep of their apartment. The one-night-stand was explaining to MC how she had acquired her boyfriend’s wallet, and Saeran tried interrupting her. “MC, I can expl—“

“You cheated on me?” MC’s was barely above a whisper. “How long ago?” The woman felt a tiny bit of pity for MC. No girl should have to be confronted by ‘the other woman’. Unlike Saeran, who seemed to be stunned into silence, she answered MC honestly. “About two weeks ago at Vortex. It was a quickie in the bathroom stall.” The other woman glared at Saeran as she spoke, making sure to channel all her anger towards him. “Here’s your wallet,” she sneered as she tossed it right into his face. It hit the floor with a light thud, just as a loud bang echoed throughout the apartment.

Thankfully, the other woman had bought MC enough time to escape to the bedroom and lock the door. In her emotional rage, she didn’t notice she had slammed the door, knocking some pictures off the wall. MC’s eyes stung with tears she had yet to shed as she frantically tried to pack a suitcase. The doorknob rattled as he tried to open it, but the lock wouldn’t give.

“Baby please, let me explain!” MC sniffled, resisting the urge to talk to him.

“I swear, it was a mistake! Please believe me!” She met his pleas with more silence.

“I love you, MC! Only you! I’m nothing without you!” 

The sweet words that traveled through the oak door did nothing but make MC more hysterical. Saeran had lied to her for weeks, and still had the gall to tell her he loved her. Everything made sense now. No wonder Saeran asked for a fresh start that night—why he tried so hard put more effort into their relationship. He felt guilty and wanted to deceive her. She felt like the biggest idiot in the world for being so naive.

MC stuffed as many personal effects as she could into the suitcase, but hesitated when she saw the wrapped gift in her sock drawer. Fresh tears spilled from her eyes as she stuffed the gift into her backpack, cursing herself for believing she could live a happy life. Saeran was becoming more desperate, now trying to kick the door open. “Princess, please open the door or I’ll have to kick it down… I know I’m a fuck up, but you can’t leave! I need you...” For a split second, MC considered opening the door and running into her boyfriend’s arms, but her heart had been irreparably broken by Saeran Choi.

Sliding the window open as quietly as possible, MC placed her suitcase and backpack onto the fire escape. She must not have been stealthy enough, because Saeran’s kicking became more frequent and he was practically screaming through the door. “Just let me explain, MC!” The wood of the door began to splinter and bend from the sheer force of his kicks, and MC knew she was running out of time. Swiftly climbing onto the metal ladder, MC tossed her bags down into the alleyway and descended as quickly as possible. Her chest hurt so much it felt like she was being crushed from the inside out, but she managed to keep her composure. Saeran’s head popped out of the window, still desperately pleading with MC. The brunette had nothing to say to him, not even as he professed his undying love for her. With one last glace, she swallowed the lump in her throat and disappeared into the crowded street.

Running while carrying a backpack and suitcase full of clothes all while being 2 months pregnant wasn’t easy—in fact, it only made MC feel sicker. But she knew that if she didn’t move fast then Saeran would surely catch up to her. MC didn’t think about where she ran, she just let her body carry her to the first place that came to mind: Jihyun's studio. She tossed her cell phone into a garbage can, knowing that Saeran would most likely try to locate her cell phone's coordinates. MC frantically buzzed his room number repeatedly until he answered. "Ji-hyun..." she choked between tears. The lock clicked open without a second's hesitation. V knew almost immediately that MC must have found out somehow, and he wanted to be there for her.

The elevator to his studio could not arrive sooner, and as soon as the metal doors closed, MC erupted into painful sobs. It felt like her whole world had come crashing down on her. Was she suffocating? It certainly felt like she was dying. When the elevator doors slid open, MC saw Jihyun waiting for her. Disregarding her belongings, she fell into the artist's embrace and let out all her sadness. V stroked her hair reassuringly and welcomed her into his studio apartment. MC contemplated taking him up on his offer, but she knew Saeran would go to Zen's place first, then V's studio next. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she shook her head. MC needed a fresh start, not only for herself but for her baby. 

"Jihyun, I need you to help me disappear."


	4. Grit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by The XX- "Tides"

MC had to admit: living alone was definitely a struggle. Not only was she accustomed to the comfortable lifestyle afforded by Saeran's job, but she was now a single mother living in an unfamiliar city, one whole hour away from her friends. But it was for the best that she not be involved with the rest of the RFA. It would only make her split with Saeran more painful. She felt the worst about lying to Zen, though. He had been her best friend for 4 years and cheered her on when she began to pursue a relationship with the former Mint Eye hacker. Right now he was most likely beside himself with grief at his missing best friend. Jihyun was the only person who knew her general whereabouts but not by much. That day, he dropped her off in the next city over with a gift of $500 and a new cellphone. V swore to not tell Saeran or the RFA where she was living, or the reason for the couple's break-up. Every day MC was thankful that the RFA leader had kept his promise to her. One day she would have to repay his kindness. 

Finding employment and suitable housing had been a struggle. As of now, she was not showing but in a few months, it would be fairly obvious she was pregnant. Many employers immediately disqualified her, which left her desperate for cash. The only place willing to hire was a local strip club that needed a barmaid. They hired her immediately, regardless of the pregnancy. The owner assured her that the bar top would hide her belly from most patrons, and even if they noticed, nobody would care. As long as she mixed a good drink and got customers drunk, that's all that mattered. It was degrading work, though. A uniform consisting of spandex shorts and a tank top made MC feel almost naked, and then leery looks she received from men always gave her the creeps. But money was money, and she needed to make ends meet while also saving for the baby. The potential expenses of the baby were so high that MC had decided to live on the third floor of a run-down apartment on the bad side of town. Instead of investing in a bus pass, MC cut costs by walking for more than half a mile, and she skimped on meals as well. It was all for the little one _— her_ little one. No need to complicate her life by involving Saeran in her pregnancy. She could do it all by herself.

Although there were times when she did miss him. In the morning, she missed Saeran's grumpiness. He was never a morning person, but he still tried to be somewhat cheerful for her. Even though she now lived alone, she still left the left side of the bed empty. It made her feel like he was there with her, even though she never wanted to see him again. MC missed the way he left the bathroom a complete mess; although he may not look it, Saeran was almost as vain as Zen. After successfully leaving Mint Eye, he began taking care of his hair and skin. _"I want to look good for you like you do for me, gorgeous,"_ is what he always said.MC missed the feeling of his hands on her body, and the soft sighs he would emit whenever she caressed him back. Saeran was always wary of being touched, but never by her. He trusted her completely, just like she had trusted him. But the thing MC missed most of all was the thought of their future together. She wanted him to be there as he rubbed her back post-morning sickness. MC wanted to feel his lips kiss her belly as they picked baby names. She wanted to take cheesy family portraits and live life as a happy couple. 

But it would never be that way. 

MC wasn't sure if it was the emotional symptoms of pregnancy, or just her mind wanting to torture her. Every night she would dream about opening the door, only to see the homewrecker. She held no ill-will for the woman _—_ MC could tell she was just as hurt and betrayed by Saeran. But MC couldn't shake the thought of seeing someone  _far_ more beautiful, in her opinion, latching onto her lover like arm candy. She had always thought he was handsome, far too handsome for someone like her. So it all made sense that he would find someone better. Every night in her dreams, she affirmed the negative thoughts that plagued her mind. Why wasn't she good enough? What could she have possibly done to salvage their relationship?

The worst thing was that her baby would have to grow up without a father. What lie would she have to make up to her child when they asked why they don't have a dad? Would she say he died young? Or maybe she could pretend he worked overseas. And then there was the rest of the RFA... Could she trust them enough to tell her about her child? Saeyoung would definitely want to know about being an uncle, but his big mouth would certainly blab to Saeran.

So MC decided to isolate herself. It was the only way to protect her heart from being betrayed again. She deserved better _—the baby deserved better_. Maybe in another timeline, MC and Saeran could have lived a happy life together. But the reality now was that she had to make it on her own, and she would persevere through it all for her unborn child. Even though her little one was 50% her and 50% Saeran, she would love them regardless. They would be a reminder of her tragic love story: conceived by two parents who once loved each other, but raised by one in secrecy. Being a single mother would be hard, but MC swore to herself to fill her little one's life with as much happiness as possible. 

The main issue as of late had been Jumin and Carina's rehearsal dinner. MC had RSVP'd over five months ago, but since the split with Saeran she had no contact with the engaged couple. Would it be rude if she didn't show up? But it would also be surprising for her to show up out of the blue... With a baby bump to boot! MC had calculated that by the time of their wedding, she would be roughly 13 weeks along. But because MC was fairly skinny, she could play off the small bump as extra weight gain. MC began planning her excuse as to her month-long absence from her RFA buddies. She would need to be as antiseptic as possible _—_ even with poor Zen. After the wedding reception, she would have to cut all ties with her friends and return to her new life. She felt confident in her plan; confident enough to text Jihyun to ask for the groom-to-be's number. There were still a few days left before the dinner, so perhaps if she spoke with Jumin the rehearsal seating arrangements could be changed. As luck would have it, Jumin was  _very_ adamant about her attendance. He emphasized how much the other RFA members missed her but made sure to avoid mentioning her ex-boyfriend. Jumin Han had finally learned that speaking of old romances was not in proper etiquette.

MC had very little money to spare for a gift, but she knew her presence alone would be enough. The RFA deserved a farewell because they were her dearest friends. She could only hope and pray that Saeran was either too involved with his new woman, or too upset to attend the wedding. She didn't want any old feelings to resurface. He still held a huge piece of her heart, one that MC was trying to fill with the love for their child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this is going to be a really long AN so please feel free to skip this!! A wonderful reader left me a comment and I really felt the need to write this here as well, so everyone else could read it!^^
> 
> I just wanted to clarify once more that without a doubt, Saeran (or ANY MysMes love interest) would never hurt MC like this. They are all so devoted to us MC's <3 I noticed a lacking of IRL-centered angst within this fandom, and I wanted to practice my writings skills in a way that might emotionally affect people who have (or haven't!) experienced this situation.
> 
> Next thing I wanted to say: Please don't hate she-who-will-remain-unnamed. This chick had no idea. And honestly, I feel bad for her. Some people may say "Well sleeping_daisies, she ruined the relationship between MC and Saeran!" And while she is a homewrecker, she's not the one to blame. No matter how much he grovels, Saeran really did fuck up. Which leads me to my next point: I don't want too much harsh of criticism to fall on my baby boy. He is a very complicated person who suffers from an inferiority complex. This is obviously not an excuse, because I believe that intoxicated people ALWAYS show their true intent. Rather, I think his infidelity was merely caused by poor decision making. It's not a spiteful way to get back at MC, and it's not that he stopped loving her. I think the situation got too out of hand before he could realize what was happening. And it's okay to make mistakes. But lying is what makes it worse. 
> 
> Which brings me to my next point! MC is not without guilt as well. She herself is keeping a preeeeetty big secret from homeboy, as well as trying to ghost herself out of the RFA's life. In these situations, wanting to be alone is perfectly okay. But completely disappearing from your friend's and baby daddie's life without a single goodbye is selfish, to say the least. Saeran doesn't even know he's going to be a dad, and MC isn't about to tell him (for now). Again, these are REAL LIFE situations that people have had to experience. I'm trying my best at properly establishing the ~angst~ while also making this fic as realistic as possible. 
> 
> Now what I *can* say without spoiling my master plan is that Saebae will redeem himself. Even in MysMes, he is an extremely passionate and loyal person. He's just a bit emotionally inept at times. But his love for MC is unending, and that's where he really will shine in this story. MC, on the other hand, is going to be a little frustrating. But that's natural. You wouldn't willingly want to believe in someone who broke your trust. 
> 
> If you've reached Chapter 4 and are still interested: THANK YOU SO MUCH! I honestly wrote this fic on a whim and didn't think it would be well received since it's not the typical angst story found on AO3. No one wants to read about their favorite character being an ass, but it happens. Someone's gotta write the nitty-gritty, lol! ;-)


	5. Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to do a mini-drabble about the voicemail's MC's old phone received for the month she was gone! This is just a quick little snippet of Saeran/RFA's trying to contact MC after she went missing.
> 
> Inspired by The Arctic Monkeys- "Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?"

**Your** **inbox has 21 missed calls.**

 

**First unheard message.**

_MC, princess... Please come home. I've looked everywhere for you, I don't know where else to go. We can talk this out, just let me explain. I'll be waiting for you, I love you._

 

**Second unheard message.**

_It's almost midnight, MC. I'm worried about you. I promise I won't track your phone if you just answer my calls. I need to know you're okay. I love you so much. Please come home._

 

**Third unheard message.**

_Stop ignoring me, damn it! I'll do anything to make it up to you again. Anything, I swear. I miss you so much. I feel like the biggest fool on Earth to hurt you like this, but please just give me another chance. We promised the day we escaped from Mint Eye that we would be together no matter what. This is one of those times! You can't do this to me..._

 

**Next unheard message.**

_Hey hey MC~ It's Defender of Justice and Savior of Love SEVEN OHHH SEVEEEEEEN... I know you may not want to talk to my brother, but at least talk to me!~ Although he does really need you right now... So just give me a call or shoot me a text when you calm down! Nyaaaa!~_

 

**Nexy unheard message.**

_MC? Babe? It's Hyun. The RFA chat is going wild, Saeran is ranting about how you left him. Talk to me, babe! I'm always here for you. Oh- the director is calling for me. I'll try ringing you again later. Love you~_

 

**Next unheard message.**

_MC, I swear if you don't call me back within the next few hours I will do my damned best to force you to come back. This isn't fair. I made one mistake and you shut me out like this? You are being such an asshole, I can't believe this is you! What the fuck did the last two years mean to you? Nothing? AM I NOTHING TO YOU? I worked so hard to be a better man for you, and thi—_

 

**Next unheard message.**

_And this is how you repay me? These past two years were the best in my entire life. You are my world. My everything. I can't believe you're petty enough to throw everything away._

 

**Next unheard message.**

_Babe, I'm really worried. It's been two weeks and no contact... Whatever it is, you can tell your Zenny. Just let us know you're okay._

 

**Next unheard message.**

_MC. This is Jumin Han. The RFA is incredibly worried about your sudden absence. If it is due to emotional woes, I can assist you in finding an adequate therapist. Please do try to keep in touch. That will be all._

 

**Next unheard message.**

_YOU FUCKING SUCK, MC! I HOPE YOU KNOW I THREW ALL OF YOUR STUPID, SHITTY THINGS IN THE DUMPSTER WHERE THEY BELONG. FUCK YOU, YOU HEARTLESS BITCH._

 

**Next unheard message.**

_Hey MC, it's God Sev— Saeyoung again... My brother... Well... He's not doing so well. He really, really misses you. I think he's hurt that you haven't even bothered to talk to any of us, especially him. Please just give us any sign that you're out there, listening to these voicemails._

 

**Next unheard message.**

_MC! MC! It's Yoosung. I haven't heard from you in a while, and Saeran seems kind of sad, but even if you're not listening I just wanted to let you know I got a date with that girl I liked... She's sooo cute! She doesn't play LOLOL but she does play WOWOW so I think it'll work out... I've been thinking about applying to grad school. I wish you were here so I could ask you for advice. Jumin isn't really that helpful and Jaehee is too busy... Maybe I can ask Seven! Yeah, I think I'll ask Seven. I hope you're okay! Bye Bye!_

 

**Next unheard message.**

_I apologize for my last voicemail, MC. I lost my temper. I just.... Ugh, forget it. This is stupid, you're probably not even listening to my pathetic voicemails anyway._

 

**Next unheard message.**

_*Sob* I'm sorry... Please don't leave me behind._

 

**Next unheard message.**

_MC... I've given you three weeks. I can't move on unless you talk to me. I thought you loved me? If you did, then just give me a second of your time._

 

**Next unheard message.**

_Hi MC, I apologize for not calling sooner. Mr. Han has me swamped with work. I hope you're faring well wherever you are. I miss watching Zen's musicals with you... It's not the same alone. Just... let me know you're still thinking about us..._

 

**Next unheard message.**

_One month. I've given you all the time and space in the world. How much more do you need? I feel like I'm going crazy. You're all I can think about. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I can't function knowing that I hurt you this way... Just hear me out and let me apologize to you. PLEASE. I'm begging you..._

 

**Next unheard message.**

_I love you so much, MC._

 

**Next unheard message.**

_I just want to hear your voice one last time..._

 

**Last unheard message.**

_...I miss you..._

 

 


	6. Holding on to Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saeran's POV. I hope I didn't butcher his character by making him *too* edgy;;;
> 
> Inspired by Gotye- "Somebody I Used to Know"

25 days.

25 days since MC walked out the metaphorical door.

25 days of lonely, sleepless nights.

25 days since Saeran felt his life implode, leaving him standing amongst the rubble of the love he destroyed. 

Saeyoung tried to be a pillar of support for his brother— offering both a shoulder to cry on and a place to crash. But Saeran felt the need to punish himself by staying in his apartment. No,  _their_ , apartment. He kept everything the way it was before MC had left. Her toothbrush remained in the holder, her slippers sitting by the entrance, the right side of the bed still perfectly made. He couldn't bear to part with any remnant she left behind; Saeran would hold on to her items as if his life depended on it. Somehow, it gave him hope that one day she would return. The redhead would also leave countless voicemails in MC's phone, to the point of filling up the inbox. But much like his obsession with the junk she left, Saeran sought comfort in hearing her voice through the phone. Sometimes Saeran felt like he was going mad— there were days when he forgot what MC looked and sounded like. And when that sickening feeling of her absence washed over him, he would immediately dial her phone number and listened to her pre-recorded message. 

He would hang up, then dial again. 

 

And hang up, and dial again.

 

And again.

 

And again.

 

And.

 

Again. 

These tiny snippets were all Saeran had left as proof of their love. After 17 days of MC being no-contact, he told Saeyoung he would never move; he would never change the apartment. "What if MC comes back? She would be more comfortable if everything looked exactly the same!" Saeran reasoned. The other twin felt like his younger brother had lost his grip on reality, but couldn't bear to deny Saeran his faith. So Saeyoung nodded and agreed that it was a good idea. The RFA had also noticed the subtle—and not so subtle—changes in Saeran. He rarely logged on, and when he did, he spoke about nothing but MC. Everyone was worried, except for Jihyun. Saeran had suspected that the artist knew more than he let on, due to his tendency to be secretive. Jumin assured the redheaded twin that it was just speculation, and V was indeed worried for MC's safety. 

But Saeran never gave up his hope. He knew fate had brought him to MC on that fateful day 3 years ago, and fate would surely bring them back together. 

After 26 days had passed since MC left, he received a call from Jihyun. 

"Yes?" Saeran sounded worn-out, broken almost.

The blue haired man sighed. MC would surely hate him for this, but he couldn't keep such a secret from her ex-lover, who was beside himself in despair. "Saeran, listen to me carefully," V began. "She's going to the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night. She wanted me to not tell you, but I thought you ought to know." Saeran immediately straightened his back and listened to his friend's words carefully.  _MC was going to be at Jumin's rehearsal dinner._ This could be his moment to beg for forgiveness. "Are... Are you sure?" It sounded almost too good to be true. V paused for a moment, then hesitantly replied, "Yes."

And for the first time in 26 days, Saeran felt his chest constrict. He inhaled deeply, then exhaled his response: "Okay, I'll be there."

* * *

 

Saeran nervously paced outside the restaurant, fiddling with his shirt collar and tie. They felt too tight, too constricting. Although he had finally gotten a good night's rest—the first one in weeks— Saeran's body felt incredibly heavy. Was it due to the nerves or dread? Saeran was dying to see MC. He missed everything about her: her laugh, her cooking, her very presence. But would she want to see him? No, she probably wouldn't. But he needed to see her, he needed to make everything better once again. His life was not complete without his MC. After much deliberation, Saeran finally mustered up enough courage to walk into the restaurant.

And there she was, just as he remembered her. Long brown hair cascading down her shoulders, rosy cherubic cheeks, and a smile as bright as the sun. The dark, depraved part of Saeran had hoped she miserable. He was suffering without her, and at many times he wanted her to feel his pain as well. But unlike him, MC was never one to dwell on the negatives, and that's what he loved the most about her. The way she conversed with Zen looked so natural that Saeran wondered if she was even aware of his presence at all. But he did notice MC sneak a peek at him as he rounded the table to settle in his seat. MC was nestled protectively between Zen and Jihyun, and Saeran knew he would have to be patient to have his chance to speak with her.

Throughout the entire dinner, toast, and cake-cutting, Saeran couldn't take his eyes off MC. He didn't care if he looked deranged to the others. She was finally back in his life, even if for the briefest of moments. When the bride and groom-to-be began opening their wedding gifts, Saeran noticed MC excuse herself from the table. She had lost her pink flush and instead looked pallid and sweaty. This was his chance. He could nonchalantly excuse himself to the bathroom as well and catch MC alone so they could finally talk. Leaning towards his brother, Saeran whispered under his breath, "I'll be back." Saeyoung shot in a worried look but quickly masked it with his signature 707 smile. "Good luck, bro!" Sauntering over in the directions of the bathroom, the redhead perched himself just outside the women's bathroom. 

MC seemed to be taking a while—certainly more time than a quick restroom visit should have lasted. But Saeran kept himself busy by fussing with his hair in the hall mirror. When he heard the tell-tale click of the bathroom door, Saeran immediately swiveled to face MC. She looked like a deer in headlights, her eyes widening into saucers. She opened her mouth to speak, but Saeran was faster. He grabbed MC's arm and pulled her into his chest. "S-Saeran, stop it..." she protested as she squirmed in his arms. "Please, princess... I miss you so much." Saeran tightened his hold on MC and pushed her towards the wall. "Just hear me o—"

MC interrupted him, her voice stern and unyielding, "It's over between us, Saeran. It's  _been_ over between us the moment you decided to  _lie to me_." The words hit Saeran like a freight train, his illusion of a happily-ever-after slowly slipping away. Saeran pushed her further into the wall, his body looming over hers. "MC, I know you still love me. You always  _will_ love me," he whispered against the shell of her ear. Saeran stroked MC's cheek with his knuckles, gently tilting her face up to meet his. Her eyes looked distant and glassy, yet so beautiful. The hitch in her breathing tickled his face, beckoning Saeran to press his lips to hers. MC initially offered resistance to his kiss, pursing her lips in defiance. But slowly— almost like a flower in bloom—MC began to open herself up to Saeran. Their lips slanted together, with soft groans escaping in-between breaths. At that moment, Saeran believed he had won back MC's heart. But in less than a second, it all came to a halt.

A startled gasp interrupted the ex-lovers kiss, and Saeran reluctantly broke away from MC. Yoosung had walked in on the pair getting rather intimate, and the blonde focused his attention on the floor. "O-Oh. I'm sorry! I'll just, um, yeah..." He scurried away to the men's restroom, leaving Saeran and MC alone once again. Using the pause in momentum to her advantage, MC pushed him off of her and made way for the back exit. "This was a mistake, I shouldn't have come here..." She hissed. This was not how he expected it to go, not at all. Saeran tried to keep his voice down as he chased after her, so as to not make a scene. "You can't do this to me, MC! You're throwing away years that he built together!" The brunette spun around, her brown eyes spilling with tears.

"Saeran, I just can't do this anymore!" She shouted as she stormed out the rear exit. MC left him dumbstruck. He now stood in an empty hallway, watching the door close before him. The redhead leaned his forehead against the wall and groaned in frustration. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

Although both he and MC had tried to be discreet, when Saeran returned to the dinner he could tell that the RFA had heard everything. Zen was glaring daggers at him, while Jihyun and Saeyoung gave him apologetic smiles. Feeling more alone then ever before, Saeran withdrew into himself. His initial intentions were good— all he wanted was to profess his love once more. But instead, he hurt MC even more, further ruining his chance at reconciliation. 

 


	7. Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Tash Sultana- "Jungle"

Sleeping was out of the question. 

MC had been struggling with night-time nausea as of late, and the additional stress of her confrontation with Saeran didn't help at all. The night before Jumin's wedding, she lay in bed restlessly tossing and turning. The memory of her moment of weakness— succumbing to Saeran's kiss— repeatedly played in her mind. Why did she let him kiss her? Why didn't she struggle harder? No matter how much Saeran hurt her, why was it so hard to say no to him? These thoughts kept her awake early into the morning, and it wasn't until light streamed through the crack in the hotel window's curtains that MC was allowed some sleep. After being awoken by another bought of morning-sickness, MC began to prepare for the wedding. Due to being on a strict budget, she couldn't afford a dress that was more forgiving of her baby bump, so she'd have to make due with what she owned. MC struggled to slip into the tight-fitting black sheath dress— although her bump wasn't prominent, the dress didn't allow her much mobility. The one good part about being pregnant was that her breasts seemed to finally fill out the deep neckline. MC had to admit that baby bump and all, she looked damn fine.

Zen was there to escort her to the ceremony, looking as princely as usual. Thankfully, the albino thespian was more concerned with  _his_ looks that he overlooked MC's tiny bump. The wedding ceremony was as lavish as one could imagine. Jumin had booked the most elegant church, and Carina looked like royalty in her wedding gown. Despite the differences between Hyun and Jumin, the actor cried throughout the entire ceremony. "I'm glad that trust-fund-kid got his happy ending," he whimpered in-between sobs. MC, on the other hand, was thankful that only one of the Choi twins had decided to show up. After last night's fiasco, she didn't think she could handle keeping her pregnancy a secret from Saeran. He deserved to know, but she didn't want to let him into her life again.

For the reception, MC skipped the three-course meal, instead choosing to nibble on a light salad. The baby was an extremely picky eater and everything MC ate made her vomit afterward. But her little one didn't seem to like the dressing on the salad, and once again MC excused herself from the table. Zen noticed that his best friend had been making frequent bathroom breaks, so he offered to accompany her. After upheaving the contents of her stomach, she fixed her hair and makeup and rinsed her mouth. "Babe~ You look lovely, but not as lovely as me~" Zen purred as he took MC's arm in his. Jumin and Carina had just shared their first dance, and now guests were beginning to fill the dancefloor. Hyun bowed while dramatically fluttering his arms, "M'lady, will you grace me with a dance?" MC curtsied in return, giggling as she accepted his offer. "Why of course, Hyun!" The two glided to the dancefloor, Zen gently holding MC in his arms. 

"You know, MC... I could take care of you," Hyun said out of the blue. MC patted his shoulder playfully and brushed off his comment, "Yeah, yeah." A slightly dejected Zen pulled MC closer and rested his cheek on the crown of her head. "I'm serious, you know. You can move in with me so you don't have to struggle on your own... We all miss you." She smiled at her friend's proposition, her heart brimming with happiness. It was comforting to know that Hyun was offering her a place to live so she could stay involved with the RFA. But it was time she disappears for good. It would only be a matter of weeks before her belly would show, and MC didn't want the gossip to reach Saeran. "I appreciate it Hyunnie, I really do... But I'm gonna have to pass," MC replied with her radiant smile. Though Zen felt slightly disheartened, he respected his best friend's decision nonetheless. 

The pair of friends were lost in their own little world, laughing and twirling to the music without a care in the world. MC hadn't noticed the arrival of the person she wanted to see the least— Saeran. Clad in his best tuxedo, and carrying a bouquet of MC's favorite flowers, Saeran stopped in his tracks when he saw Zen and MC happy together. If he hadn't known of their platonic relationship, he would have thought they were lovers. What was even more astonishing were the sudden changes Saeran noticed about MC's body— her breasts had always been a perfect size, but now they almost seemed to be spilling out of her dress. And the most startling change that he noticed was the small belly that was hidden behind her dress. It was barely noticeable, but Saeran had committed every detail of MC's body to memory. He knew every inch and curve that graced her figure, and this one was _new_. 

A cool hand pulled MC's shoulder back, causing her to be yanked out of Zen's arms. "What the hell are you two doing?" She knew the source of that voice. There was only one person whom it belonged to. Zen immediately tried to place himself between MC and Saeran, but Saeran shoved the bouquet in the actor's arms. His attention was fixed on the brunette before him. By now, a small crowd of onlookers had gathered. Saeyoung was ready to intervene from the sides in case Saeran had a meltdown. "Why didn't you tell me?" MC blinked and feigned innocence, "I don't know what you're talking about." The redhead clutched MC's shoulders so tight it felt like his hands were vice-grips clamping her in place. The way his golden eyes bore into hers told MC everything she needed to know: he had noticed. 

He knew.

"Let's talk somewhere more private," MC suggested as she grabbed Saeran's hand and led him to the outdoor terrace. MC's chest heaved from suppressed sobs, the pain from her entire situation hitting her full-force. Once away from the prying eyes of the wedding guests, MC placed Saeran's hand on her abdomen. He looked at the bump, then back at her. "It's... yours..." she choked. Her formulated excuses were caught in her throat, rendering her speechless. Saeran dropped to his knees and caressed her stomach, planting delicate kisses around its circumference. "Hi little one, it's Daddy. I can't wait to meet you, sweetness. Even though I didn't know about you until now, I hope you know I love you very much." The gentle way in which Saeran spoke to their unborn child only made MC cry even harder. His red-rimmed eyes were full of tears, both freshly spilled and those not yet shed. She was now in a position where she couldn't deny Saeran into her life again— parents needed to work together to raise a happy, healthy child. After Saeran had finally processed the situation, he regained his composure and sat down on a nearby bench. 

He ruffled his vermillion hair, tugging at the roots slightly. It was something he only did when he was stressed out, and MC could tell right away that Saeran was hurt. She fiddled her fingers, not quite confident enough to say anything at all. With his head bowed, he mumbled something incoherent. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't catch that," MC sniffled. Saeran spoke a bit louder this time, though he still refused to lift his head. "I said how long?!" She recoiled slightly at his sudden shout but remained steadfast. "About 13 weeks, so just over three months..." Expecting her response to be met with anger, MC was surprised to see a smile plastered on Saeran's face. He stood up and ran his fingers through her hair, unaware of MC's plan to ghost the RFA. "We should make plans for you to come back home. It would be better for us to raise our little one together."

MC had to stop him there. She raised her hand to silence him and put her foot down. "Saeran, this may be  _our_ baby, but there is no  _us_. I'm going to go through this pregnancy by myself, and when the little one is born, I'll let you know and then we can work something out." He looked hurt by her words, but he kept pressing for a happy medium. "Prince— MC, you can't live alone for the entire pregnancy. Please don't deny me the right to see my child..." Saeran placed one hand on her abdomen, and the other on her cheek. In a perfect world, MC would have been happy to be held like this. But now she only felt disgusted. Backing away from him, MC put some space between them. "You can see them when they're born. But I don't want to see you until then," she said quietly. Then, she turned and left him alone on the terrace, much like she did last night at the restaurant. 

Once she rejoined the reception, MC apologized to the newlyweds profusely before taking her leave. Jihyun drove her halfway to the city and paid for a taxi to take her the rest of the way home. Although she had enjoyed seeing her friends at the wedding festivities, MC was glad it was over. She had officially disappeared out of all of their lives and could now focus on living undisturbed. Collapsing into her uncomfortable mattress, MC hugged the pillow from the left side of the bed. She so badly wished she was with Saeran in her old apartment, doing the things that expecting parents would do. But this was for the best, after all.

Sunday mornings were one of the few days that the baby let MC get more than 5 hours of sleep. But this morning, she was interrupted by the obnoxious banging on her front door. She checked the calendar and realized that today was rent day, which meant her blood-sucking landlord was probably going to try to scam her into pay extra. Grabbing a stack of cash from her wallet, MC shoved it in an envelope and unlocked the front door. Before actually checking to see who her visitor was, MC hurled the envelope in the guests face. "Here's your rent, jerk!"

She was met with an all-too-familiar chuckle, "Good morning to you too, MC!" 

 


	8. Watch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saeran POV 
> 
> Song inspiration: Jackson Wang- "Okay", Tame Imapala- “Cause I’m a Man”

Saeran knew it was a bad idea to show up unannounced at MC's new place. In fact, it was such a bad idea he spent all morning crafting a bouquet of roses and daisies. MC had a soft spot for flowers, and that would be one way he could wiggle his way back into her life. They were the flowers he and MC cultivated together over the years. Although they both promised to never cut them, Saeran wanted to show MC he still cared for the flowers even in her absence. His labor of love.

The redhead had rehearsed his speech the entire drive there, but now that he stood in front of her door, he blanked entirely. Should he apologize for his actions the previous night? Would MC reconsider if he begged for forgiveness once more? Before he could catch his train of thought, Saeran found himself knocking on the door. 

No reply. 

He knocked again, this time more fervently. Again, no response. 

A million scenarios came to mind: what if MC never made it home? Was she sick?  Being held at gunpoint? Dead?

Saeran was on the verge of kicking the door in when it swung open. An envelope was tossed in his face, with the source of it being a very disgruntled-looking MC. "Here's your rent, jerk!" The ex-hacker smirked at her grumpiness— it was adorable how annoyed MC was. Feeling an unusually high amount of cheerfulness, Saeran laughed and greeted the irritable mother-to-be. "Good morning to you too, MC!" He knelt to collect the thick envelope and handed it back to MC and offered her the bouquet as well. She immediately snatched the rent money out of his hands and quirked her eyebrow expectantly. Saeran gently pushed the bundle of flowers towards MC, to which she rolled her eyes. "I picked only the loveliest flowers for the loveliest woman I know," Saeran grinned. She ignored his advances, instead focusing on interrogating him.

"How did you find me?" Saeran figured that lying to MC about discovering her whereabouts would only make her distrust him even more, so he came clean. "Last night Jihyun  _may have_ shown me your new phone number, and my computer  _might have accidentally_ traced your cell data." Maybe humor would soften her up? MC remained poker-faced; no indication of whether or not she was flattered or irritated. "I told you last night that I want nothing to do with you until the baby is born. So why are you here?" Her words stung Saeran a bit. He did hope to eventually rekindle their past relationship, but he knew that it was difficult to gain one's trust after being lied to. He himself had trust issues with Saeyoung after his escape from Mint Eye. Forcing a smile, Saeran remained calm. "I just wanted to say hello to the mother of my child!" 

MC scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Mission accomplished. Now go away, I have work in a few hours." A small piece of Saeran had hoped MC would invite him into her home so he could catch up on everything he'd missed. There were so many questions he had about the baby— in fact, he knew next to nothing about children in general. Before Saeran could protest, the door slammed in his face, followed by the loud click of a deadbolt. Saeran clenched his fists, almost crushing the flower's stems in the process, but relaxed almost immediately. He reassured himself that MC just wasn't ready. 

The twin leaned on the wall directly across from MC's door, patiently waiting for her return. Although he was quite bored, he remained in the same spot for over two hours. When his cellphone died, he took to fiddling with his hair or pulling the thread on his shirt for entertainment. Just as Saeran began to nod off, he heard the door creak open. He instantly straightened his back and smiled softly. "Long time no see." The brunette stomped over to him with the same annoyed expression from earlier. "I told you to get lost. How many more times do I need to repeat myself?" Such a stubborn woman, Saeran thought to himself, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't love that about her. Once again offering the bouquet to MC, he tried his best to pay no heed to her harsh words. "Mind if I walk you to work, princ—MC?" The redhead stopped himself short, reminding himself that terms of endearment were now inappropriate. As suspected, she ignored his question—and his gift— and began her descent down the stairs. Trying to break the ice, Saeran addressed a worry that had been on his mind since he'd arrived earlier in the day. 

"By the way... Don't you think walking up three flights of stairs might put a strain on you and the baby?" It was a fair concern— even though he knew very little, Saeran could deduce that a daily strenuous work-out was not healthy. MC huffed in exasperation, "Don't act like you're concerned all of a sudden." Saeran was a bit taken aback; where many fathers in similar situations may have shirked their duties, Saeran wanted to be more involved. It had scarcely been 18 hours and he already fully accepted his duties as an expecting parent. But now, the emotional side of Saeran had now emerged, and he had raised his voice slightly. "MC, that's not fair for you to assume I was never concerned... You tried to hide our child form me!" He noticed MC's stride falter slightly. It was obvious he pointed out the hypocrisy in her harsh words, and there was no way she could refute his argument. When the pair reached a busy crosswalk, the expecting mother wove in and out between pedestrians. Her movements were so fast that Saeran wasn't able to keep up with them and lost sight of her. Saeran lightly jogged around the area, making sure to check nearby alleyways. When it was obvious MC had slipped away, he sighed and tugged the roots of his hairs lightly. Keep calm, don't do anything stupid.

A dejected Saeran walked around aimlessly, flowers in hand. He decided the best course of action, for now, would be to try again tomorrow. But why couldn't he stop his intrusive thoughts? Since the disappearance of Unknown and Ray, Saeran's mind instead began to obsess on select things to the point of severe anxiety. MC was one of them. Was she okay? Hungry? Tired? Safe? Was she seeing someone else? Was she in love this new person she might be seeing? Was the baby really his? He tried to shake the impulse to pull out his phone and triangulate her location, and thankfully the more logical side of Saeran appealed. He knew it would be a horrible idea, and would only further drive the rift between the two. Saeran could resort to such extremes in a few days, after proving to MC he wasn't going to give up. 

The ringtone Saeran had designated for his brother began to chime, and he answered almost immediately. "What is it? I'm busy." Saeyoung giggled, ignoring his brother's curt nature "I know, I can see that." Saeran whipped his head around, then zeroed-in on a nearby security camera. He flipped the bird with a scowl on his face, "Fuck you, I'm hanging up". How dare his idiot brother watch the CCTV footage like it was a damn game show. Before he disconnected, Saeyoung shouted through the receiver. "I have a plan, lil bro! You'll have to come to the bunker for me to tell you my master plan, though." A long silence passed between the two brothers and Saeyoung spoke once again. "Dude, if you think so hard you might just kill yourself."

"Fine," Saeran grunted. He hung up before his annoying brother could say anything else and shoved the phone in his pocket. Heading to the nearest 24/7 convenience store, Saeran purchased a jar, some water, paper and a pen. There was no way Saeran could resist leaving the fresh bouquet for MC. Once outside her apartment again, he set the flowers in the jar and filled it with a generous amount of water. Saeran debated on what to write for a few minutes—  he so badly wanted to write a love letter, but his reasonable side once again reminded him it would probably be inappropriate. Instead, he scribbled a quick note:

 

_MC,_

_Sorry I had to leave so unexpectedly. I wish I could have stayed to say goodnight._

_Please tell the baby I love them._

_I'll see you tomorrow._

_-S_

 

_P.S- I remember reading that pregnancy may cause certain smells to induce nausea..._

_If that is the case, then please let me know and I will find a flower arrangement that_

_won't upset your stomach._

 

Saeran left the note tucked under the base of the jar and hoped MC would enjoy his gift. 

* * *

Soon, a daily pattern began to form: every morning at 10, Saeran would knock on MC's door and offer her flowers and would wait until her return, sometimes even very late into the evening. Saeyoung told him that persistence was key— baby steps was the way to go. She would always reject the bouquets, but he noticed that the jar he left outside her door would be empty the following day. It gave Saeran a tiny bit of pride knowing that MC still appreciated him, so he tried his best at making each arrangement more extravagant and beautiful than the last. Despite feeling the bravado of being needed, Saeran could tell that MC was struggling by herself. Each day she looked more pallid and sickly— a very stark contrast from her usual healthy glow. Saeran was worried she had been neglecting to take care of herself due to the long hours she worked. Not that he was one to talk; due to spending most of his time waiting outside MC's apartment, Saeran only had time to work during his free time, which meant less sleep for him. But he would do it all for MC and the baby, even if it meant sacrificing his own well-being. 

After about a week of watching the decline of MC's health, Saeran had just about had enough. He decided he had watched from the sidelines for too long. Today, he brought breakfast along with a new floral arrangement. He scarcely knocked twice before the door opened and MC answered. "Morning," she said sleepily. Saeran had to blink twice to process the sight before him. His beautiful, radiant MC now looked frail and gaunt. Her skin was sallow and clung to her cheekbones, and although she was almost 4 months, her baby bump was tiny. Panic overcame Saeran. How could he be so stupid to let this happen? He took her new appearance to heart— instantly blaming himself for letting MC get so skinny. Noticing the lack of his usual cheer, MC tried to catch the redhead's attention.

"Saeran, are you okay?" 

This snapped him out of the downward mental spiral he was experiencing. Saeran ruffled his hair and sheepishly replied, "Yeah, just a bit tired." MC smirked at his bashfulness and Saeran prepared for her close the door as usual. But this time, she actually stepped out of the threshold and peeked into the lunch bag. "What's that? It looks delicious..." Saeran immediately passed her the bag of food along with the flowers, and his heart skipped a beat when she accepted  _both_ offerings. Before he could say anything, MC stuffed her face with the parfait— in the middle of the hallway, too! A warm smile spread across her face as she softly moaned in delight. Saeran forced himself to think of coding and algorithms to keep his little friend under control; it had been far too long since he heard MC make such an erotic noise. 

"Delicious, right? I used the berries from our terrace garden to make it," Saeran grinned. She nodded in agreement, shoveling another spoonful of yogurt into her mouth. "It's been so long since I've been able to enjoy a meal... The baby seems to be a picky eater, so I always end up puking." MC brought the bouquet resting in the crook of her arm up to her nose and smiled slightly. "The flowers help calm them down, though. So thanks for that," she murmured. Saeran's knees almost buckled under the weight of her compliment. He dropped his gaze to MC's stomach and motioned with his hands that he wanted to touch her small mound. "Can... I?" The brunette made no objection and the ex-hacker crouched until he was eye-level with her navel. 

"Hi, sweetie. Daddy heard that you're giving your momma a hard time, so please try being a little nicer to her. She works so hard to keep you healthy and growing!"

He tenderly caressed MC's belly, his heart tugging once more at the thought of being a father. His sperm-donor and mother were the sole reason he ended up the way he was, and from the moment he found out he was going to be a father, Saeran swore to give his child nothing but love. Warm, amber eyes met chocolate ones, and Saeran once again asked MC if he could accompany her to work. "I'd like to talk about how the baby is doing if that's alright with you." She stared at him blankly for a moment, then nodded apprehensively. "You can walk me to work, I guess..." MC said. Saeran immediately shot up and hugged his ex-girlfriend until she coughed awkwardly. "Heh, sorry," he apologized bashfully. After waiting for MC to invite him in, Saeran got the hint that he still wasn't welcome into her house. Focusing on his shoes, Saeran leaned against the nearby wall and chuckled awkwardly. "When you're ready, you'll know where to find me." While he waited for MC to get ready for her shift, Saeran sent a quick text to Saeyoung. Although he wanted to keep his idiot brother out of his personal affairs, the older twin's advice really did help. A simple "thank you" text would surely suffice for 707, Defender of Justice.

MC emerged from her apartment sporting her usual sweatshirt and sweatpants combo. It always perplexed Saeran as to why MC would doll herself up, but wear such homely clothes. But tonight he would find out— finally, Saeran could enter another door within MC's private life. The two chatted as they talked, but the huge gap between them bothered the redhead. Why was she always keeping him at bay? But his moment of selfishness was disrupted by MC's revelation: "I still haven't gone to the doctor, yet..." She sounded ashamed, almost as if she was afraid to admit this to him.

And rightfully so. Saeran racked his brain for things to say to MC. She was acting like an idiot— neglecting prenatal care could put their child at risk. A slew of insults were poised at the tip of his tongue:  _Don't be an idiot! Why are you so stubborn? How could you put our baby in harm's way?_ But the young father just sighed and patted her shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry about that. I'll book you an appointment and we can go together." Saeran took out his phone, then remembered that V had already given him MC's number. "I'll text you with details later," he added. The two continued the rest of their walk— a rather long walk, in Saeran's opinion—  in silence. But that was enough for him. As long as he got to spend any time whatsoever with MC, he would be happy. 

But the feeling quickly disappeared when he saw MC disappear into the back door of a seedy-looking building. The sign read 'Pleasure's Paradise', and Saeran began to suspect this place wasn't an appropriate place for his pregnant ex-girlfriend to be working. His suspicions were confirmed when he walked around to the front entrance and saw the cheesy neon lights of busty pinup girls. Of all the places MC could have chosen to work, she just  _had_ to pick this shithole? Sure, Unknown was known to have frequented strip clubs back in the day, but Saeran's heart belonged only to MC, so he never dared go to such a shady place. Did she really think so little of herself? His skin crawled as he entered the dimly-lit venue, the immediate scent of stale sweat and cigarettes assaulting his nostrils. Then he saw her: clad in a low-cut tank top and skin-tight shorts, serving up drinks behind the marble bar top. Thankfully, she wasn't one of the whores flashing her nasty tits for money. A part of Saeran was happy that the perverted customers didn't get to see the  _finer_  aspects of MC's body, but he was still concerned. How could someone as innocent and gentle subject herself to such degrading work?

Anger painted his expression as he lurched over to the bar. It was obvious to everyone within a ten-foot radius that Saeran did not want to be bothered. He approached MC and didn't even bother to keep his voice down. "What the fuck, MC? This is where you work?" She glared at him from behind the counter, her arms crossed in protest. "It's the only place that would hire me. In case you haven't noticed, I'm pregnant!" She continued, although this time in a calmer manner, "Men don't come here for me. So you don't need to worry." At that moment, Saeran swore he saw red. How dare MC pretend like she was safe from the danger? He hated thinking of that flamboyant actor at a time like this, but Zen was certainly right about one thing: men were wolves. Pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration, Saeran tried to calm himself down. "Get your stuff, we're leaving," he stated coolly. MC looked at him incredulously— confusion painting her face. "What?" Saeran repeated himself once more, to which MC looked aghast. "Saeran, I'm not leaving. This is where I work, so get over it."

Then he snapped. Saeran grabbed MC's wrist and tried to wrangle her out from behind the counter. "You are  _not_ working here! No way in hell!" he shouted. A few patrons were giving the pair looks of concern until a beefy bouncer approached the quarreling couple. "Is there a problem here, MC?" She shook her head and explained that Saeran was just a concerned friend. For a second, Saeran thought about running off with MC, but this guy was huge, and Saeran knew it would be a bad idea to instigate the brute. Instead, he released MC's arm and took a seat at the end of the counter. Saeran spent the rest of the night leering at any man that looked at MC more than once, and once her shift was over he was quick to meet her at the back door. He didn't bother to engage in conversation with her, he was far too upset to say anything less than sarcastic. When they returned to MC's apartment, Saeran refrained from looking at her closely. He felt just as dirty as those perverts who willingly visited a strip club.

But for the first time in more than a week, Saeran felt his hope alter slightly. That night, he left without his usual overbearing farewells. In fact, Saeran barely managed to utter a good night to MC before disappearing into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a doozy to write. For one, it was longer than I intended it to be... And I also realized that Saebae has extremely very complex emotions that are very hard to put into words, so I did my best!


	9. Late-night Snack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lil bit of fluff to soothe your hearts after 8 chapters of angst <3
> 
> Inspired by Hayley Kyoko- "Wanna Be Missed"

It was already 11:32 in the morning and Saeran still hadn't shown up  _for the third day in a row._ MC wondered if he got cold feet, but then remembered him once mentioning he now worked at odd hours. Or maybe was he still mad about what happened a few nights ago? Her ex did have a habit of sulking for long periods of time whenever things didn't go his way, so she was fairly confident that the redhead was just taking his time to cool off.But MC would be lying if she said she didn't miss him— she had grown accustomed to Saeran's daily greetings and floral gifts. He was like a stray puppy she just couldn't shake, but at the very least he was a cute puppy. Trying to keep her mind off her lying, cheating, irredeemable ex-boyfriend, MC tried tidying up her apartment. There wasn't much to clean though. Because most of her wages were wasted on rent, MC had the bare minimum for decorations— a dinner table with two stools, one stiff sofa, and a worn-in bed. The rest of her apartment was full of the bouquets Saeran gave her. At one point she ran out of vases and jars and had to use glasses and mugs. MC painstakingly changed the water in every vessel and made sure to cut the flower's stalks.

While trimming a bundle of gardenias, MC wondered why she bothered keeping all these bouquets. Wouldn't it give Saeran the wrong message? Probably not. She had told him that the baby felt more at ease with flowers around, which wasn't a lie. But what MC  _didn't_ admit was that she liked feeling wanted. That didn't mean she wanted him, though. Definitely not. No way, she thought. She just wanted to give the ex-hacker a taste of his own medicine. 

Suddenly, her phone chimed. The only people who had her number was her boss and Jihyun, so one of them must have needed something urgently. When she unlocked the screen, MC noticed it was an unfamiliar number. How odd. She opened the text anyway.

 

**Unknown Number:**

_Good morning_

 

 

MC furrowed her brows in confusion. Who was this person and how did they get her number?

 

**MC:**

_Who is this?_

 

**Unknown Number:**

_Do you really not know?_

 

**MC:**

_I'm blocking this number._  

 

What a freak, MC thought. Who the heck texts someone and expects them to know who it is? As MC scrolled through the messenger settings to block the strange number, she received a slew of messages in a row. 

 

**Unknown Number:**

_…_

_Wait_

_Let me ask you one thing_

_...Can you go to this apartment for me? [VIEW ATTACHMENT]_

 

"No way..." she huffed as she clicked the linked attachment. It was a selfie of an extremely worn-out looking Saeran. He was still smiling, though. Well, smirking. It reminded her of the first time she ever replied to his request to check the apartment, where he cosplayed as a 'normal' guy. All this picture was missing was his signature mint green contacts. MC smiled slightly when she saw the picture, but the corners of her lips quickly dropped into a line as she tried to stay serious. It was better to not act too giddy around him. She saved his number as "The Jerk."

 

**The Jerk:**

_Saw you smile_

 

 

MC clutched her phone to her chest and peered around her apartment. Had he somehow broken in and installed CCTV cameras? She was about to type out a very angry response when he texted her yet again.

 

**The Jerk:**

_...Just kidding_

 

**MC:**

_What do you want?_

 

**The Jerk:**

_Can you spare some time to go to the clinic tomorrow?_

 

**MC:**

_Can't. Work._

 

**The Jerk:**

_What about the Wednesday at 9 am?_

 

**MC:**

_OK._

 

The conversation ended there. Throughout the day MC found herself checking her phone every couple of hours. Every time her lock screen showed no new notifications, she frowned slightly. Why was it so hard to shake this feeling of anxiety? Why did she care so damn much? Work wasn't any better— in fact, MC constantly watched the front entrance, secretly hoping she would see a familiar mop of red hair walk through the door. But the evening was uneventful. The barmaid sulked the entire walk home, too. It felt oddly lonely to not have Saeran follow her around like a lost lamb. MC furiously shook her head, trying to remove such a ridiculous thought from her mind. Why should she miss him? If anything,  _he_ should be missing  _her_. But nevertheless, the absence of Saeran made MC feel like she was missing a piece of her. Chalking it up to hormones and the baby being a brat, she tried her best to get on without him.

* * *

 

But the life growing within her had other plans, unfortunately. With the absence of their father, the baby absolutely refused to eat anything of subsistence. MC was only able to eat a piece of toast and some fruit. Everything else was rejected entirely, much to her chagrin. It had been a few days since MC had consumed a filling meal— the parfait— and she could not wait for Saeran's arrival the following day. Each day MC neglected her health was another day she grew weaker. Her knees ached, her back felt as tight as a spring, and she didn't even have the 'motherhood glow' she had expected. Instead, her skin was dull and lifeless. This pregnancy was sapping her of all energy. Work tonight had been particularly brutal due to her lack of strength. How much longer would this go on? Did the baby really miss Saeran? Or was she projecting her own feelings onto the unborn being?

No. It was definitely the baby. But if it  _was_ the baby, then why was _she_ texting Saeran at 11 o'clock at night? 

 

**MC:**

_I'm sorry._

 

 

**The Jerk:**

_What for?_

 

Saeran's response came instantly, almost as if he was looking at his phone the entire time. MC smirked at the fact he was so eager to talk to her and replied hastily. 

 

**MC:**

_For the other night..._

 

**The Jerk:**

_Don't be_

_I've been swamped with work_

_..._

_Did you think I was mad at you?_

 

**MC:**

_No._

_Goodnight._

 

The way Saeran could see right through her made MC shiver. In Mint Eye the two always imagined that they were destined to meet— how their love gave them a special connection that they could never share with anyone else. Perhaps that was true with the way Saeran could make MC feel anxious yet comfortable; the way he could read her mind was creepier than all the stalking he did. Sighing, the brunette left her phone on the rinky-dink dinner table and attempted to force-feed herself once again. Yet like the previous days, the all-too-familiar sensation of nausea churned her stomach and MC made a beeline for the toilet. She didn't know how much time had passed, but the light rapping on her front door summoned her attention. Ragged and exhausted, the starving MC trudged towards the door and unlocked it without confirming who her uninvited visitor was. Saeran stood on the other side of the door with a shopping bag in each hand. 

"MC, it's not safe to open the door for strangers, you know," he chided. Suddenly remembering she was in pajamas— which meant she was completely braless— MC instinctively covered her chest. Saeran chuckled lightly, a faint trace of a smile ghosting his lips, "Hah, relax. It's not like I haven't seen those before." MC tried to conceal her very obvious blush behind the back of her hand. "So, what brings you over then?" Saeran lifted his arms slightly, crinkling the plastic bags in the process. 

"Just had a feeling the baby might be hungry." He plainly stated as he handed the bags over to MC, which she accepted. Saeran had brought her a wide array of snacks and sweets, as well as healthier options like fruits and veggies. It warmed her heart that Saeran had traveled all this way just to bring her favorite foods. Before MC could thank him, the redhead had already begun to make his way down the hallway. She called out to him, tentatively at first. "Saeran..."

He stopped in his tracks but didn't turn around. "Will you stay and eat with me? H-Have some ice cream!" Despite facing Saeran's back, MC swore she could see him grin from ear to ear. "I guess I can't turn down such an invitation," he said.

She actually didn't think he would accept her offer so easily. Her apartment was embarrassingly shabby, and MC worried that Saeran would freak out if he saw the horrible conditions she lived in. "Err, well actually..." MC weakly protested, but Saeran was halfway into her apartment. If he was concerned, he certainly didn't show it. Saeran removed his shoes and immediately sat down at the small table and patted the spot across from him. He looked almost catlike— his eyes creasing at the corners while a sly smile was fixed on his lips. "I like what you did with the place, MC. The flowers really tie the room together!" At that moment, MC realized she missed Saeran's usual snark. Why did her heart have to ache so badly for the man who broke her trust? Ignoring the painful constriction of her chest, the expecting mother sat down and immediately snacked on some strawberries. With a mouth half-full, she spoke between munches. "Fur shum reshon... I can't sheem to keep food down," she swallowed. "Unless you're with me." MC patted her stomach gingerly, "I think the little one will take after you." Resting his elbows on the table, Saeran leaned in closer smirked. "You mean they'll be the world's cutest hacker?" MC playfully flicked his forehead and shook her head. "No, they're going to be the world's biggest brat." Saeran pouted in response, then glanced around the kitchen. "Spoons are in the drawer to the left of the oven," MC stated as if she had read his mind. After he rummaged through the drawers, he returned with not one, but two spoons. Once again, MC had to swallow the delight that bubbled in her chest.

Do. Not. Get. Attached. 

Knowing Saeran, MC figured he would have brought a wide array of ice creams. Which he did, but not of the typical variety. To her surprise, they were gourmet flavors: sweet peach, lychee, triple midnight chocolate chip, and sugar cookie. Wide-eyed in awe, MC immediately dug right into the sugar cookie ice cream. "Oh my God! This is  _amazing_." Saeran watched her for a second, then eagerly scooped a ball of the lychee dessert. Both ate in silence— unless an occasional grunt of approval would escape their lips. The two of them enjoying a kid's dessert reminded MC of the times her and Saeran would smuggle ice cream around Mint Eye. Caught up in the nostalgia, she brought it up. "Hey, remember that time we stayed up until Rika went to sleep and we stole those ice cream sandwiches?" Saeran's golden eyes sparkled like polished amber. "Of course, and then we ran into the purple-haired savior and—" 

"We bribed him with a sandwich!" They both said at the same time, before erupting into fits of laughter. Dabbing the tears from her eyes— whether they were happy or sad, MC could not tell— she felt herself truly enjoying this moment with her ex. Maybe she was just high off sugar, but it was almost as if nothing between them had changed. MC knew better, though. She needed to keep her distance or else she'd just end hurt again. Feigning a yawn, MC rubbed her eyes. "I'm pretty tired. I should rest up before the appointment tomorrow..."

That was Saeran's cue to leave, which he thankfully acknowledged. MC walked he redhead to the door, making sure to thank him properly for the snacks. When he kneeled to tie his shoes, he planted a quick kiss on MC's stomach. After straightening himself to full height, he leaned into her personal space, a familiar warmth vibrating off his body. Saeran was so close that MC could feel his breath tickle her cheeks, but he drew back almost immediately. "Ah, um... I'll see you tomorrow?" MC asked, trying to break the awkward silence. "Bright and early. Goodnight, you two," he grinned as he closed the door behind him. 

That night, MC slept peacefully with a belly full of ice cream and butterflies.


	10. C'est La Vie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Billie Eilish- "Ocean Eyes"

Today, MC was in an unusually chipper mood. It had been a while since she had gotten a full night's rest, but she also felt re-energized. Lately, MC's energy reservoirs had been running on empty, but her late-night snack session sated her appetite. Her liveliness motivated a quick cleaning spree— which was simply washing last night's spoons and taking out the trash. When MC exited her apartment, she saw an all-too-familiar redhead slumped against the hall wall. Saeran's head was resting on his knees, apparently deep in the throes of sleep. It looked like he hadn't even gone home last night, because he was still wearing the same clothes from the previous evening. MC resisted the urge of touching him, scared that she would wake him—  there was still an hour and a half before they had to leave for the appointment anyway. Foregoing taking out the trash, MC went to look for a blanket and carefully draped it around Saeran's shoulders. She stepped back and studied the ex-hacker. He looked absolutely exhausted; there were dark circles under his eyes that she hadn't noticed before. A tiny pang of guilt hit MC, realizing he most-likely sacrificed his free time to bring her food. The mother-to-be was a bit more grateful of Saeran, now. He really did seem to be trying his best at helping her out.

While she waited for her ex to wake up, MC browsed second-hand retail websites in search of baby gear. Most of the stuff she was looking for was pretty basic: crib, changing table, clothes, car seat, carrier, and stroller. Yet even though most of the items were lightly used, they were still  _way_ out of her price range. Now fully engrossed in her search, MC paid no mind to the knock at the door. "Come in!" She shouted over her shoulder, gaze still focused on her phone. A small gasp left her mouth when she found an affordable, yet safe, stroller. MC hadn't noticed Saeran's presence behind her until he all but whispered in her ear: "I like that." She startled, and grasped her phone with both hands. "Don't sneak up on people," MC whined. The redhead snickered and reminded her that she  _had_ invited him in. But right now, he was so close that she could feel his breathing— no, she could feel every molecule in his body breathing. She worried that Saeran would hear the way he made her pulse quicken into a thunderous cacophony, an unbearable sound in her own ears. Thankfully, he seemed to not notice and remained playful. "Do I have to sleep outside your place every night? I'm worried you might just let a stranger into your apartment, silly girl." MC hummed as she contemplated her answer, but then she spoke without realizing, "I wouldn't dislike that." 

Quickly covering her tracks, she continued. "But you shouldn't! You looked really tired this morning, you're working yourself too hard." Crisis averted. Can't lead him up too much, although any form of company would be quite appreciated. Saeran finally stepped away from her so that he could fold the borrowed blanket. He didn't reply for a long while; he just carefully doubled the halves together in a contemplative silence. When he spoke, MC thought her heart would all but leap out of her chest.

"I've been saving up for you and the baby." 

Shit. There it was— the familiar swell of guilt that seemed to be happening more frequently. MC had been so caught up in her own woes that she had forgotten that Saeran was actively trying to provide for their unborn child. Sure, saving for the baby seemed practical, but why did he include her in the equation?

Words seemed to be caught in her throat, so she nodded slightly. "R-Right..." MC clapped her hands together enthusiastically, "Well! You should freshen up before we head out." Another awkward situation averted. MC mentally high-fived herself for being so good at tip-toeing around these situations. Not even bothering to wait for Saeran's response, the brunette set off for her bedroom and scoured her closet. Saeran watched from the doorway, leaning on the frame with his arms crossed. Finally, she procured a familiar black v-neck shirt that was two sizes too big for her. In fact, it wasn't even hers. It was Saeran's. He quirked an eyebrow and eyed MC curiously. "Why do you have one of my-"

"Doesn't matter! Just go change, you stink!" MC pinched her nose and jokingly swatted the air around her. Saeran replied in jest by mocking her superhuman pregnancy powers. The playful banter between the two was natural, just like old times. But although it made MC feel happy, she felt just as anxious. It wasn't the uneasiness when she was around Unknown. No, it was a different kind of unease— the kind people get when they know they've done something wrong. At this point, MC was just begging to get hurt again. What was that saying again? 'Once a cheater, always a cheater'? If it applied to everyone else, why couldn't she pin it on Saeran? In the weeks she spent apart from him, MC was confident she was over him, but now that he slipped back into her life it was becoming impossible for her to move on. After all, they had been together through thick and thin. 

Those same uncomfortable feelings resurfaced later on their walk to the clinic.

The two were now amicable enough to walk shoulder to shoulder, talking about whatever came to mind. Conversation between them was always easy, they just naturally got along, for whatever reason. But every now and again, the back of Saeran's hand would brush up against MC's and anxiety would ripple through her. Why did she have to act like a giddy schoolgirl? It was just an accident, right? The temptation to reach out and lace her fingers with his— to feel those familiar calloused fingertips rest on her knuckles, to have her palms enveloped within his soft hand— was great. But her self-doubt was even greater. Every time MC's mind wandered, she would remind herself of the raven-haired homewrecker. Of Saeran's broken promises. Of his pushiness the night of the Han's rehearsal dinner.

Eventually, she would retract her hand and keep herself at bay, but not before her heart cracked just a little bit more. Saeran had a way of making her walls crumble, rendering her defenseless. 

As the couple approached the sterile-looking building, MC hesitated. Not once throughout her entire pregnancy had she felt so afraid. But it was almost as if Saeran could sense her reluctance. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and squeezed her reassuringly, "Everything will be fine." Who knew three words could soothe her almost immediately? And yet there he was, reading her like an open book. That damned redhead knew her oh-so-well. MC gripped her biceps tightly as Saeran checked her in for the appointment, her nails indenting little crescents into her bare skin. Saeran's hand cupped her thigh and he soothingly rubbed circles over her pants. Even though he wasn't directly touching her, MC felt like her skin was on fire. The silence between them spoke volumes— both felt comfortable in one another's presence that words weren't needed. It became increasingly more difficult to focus on anything but the lazy stroke of his thumb on her leg. So much so, that the arrival of the nurse barely fazed her. It wasn't until Saeran gently tugged MC's wrist that she snapped out her trance. This was unlike her; MC was always alert and aware of her surroundings. Just what was Saeran doing to her?

* * *

The harsh, chemical smell of the sterile examination room only intensified her anxiety. The attending nurse could tell MC was feeling nervous, and she made conversation with expecting mother while she recorded the vitals.

"You know, I've seen thousands of patients enter this clinic, and they always leave feeling happy," the older woman said as she swiped a thermometer over MC's forehead. The mousy girl could only manage a head nod and a weak thank-you. There was another lull in the conversation, and MC focused on Saeran while the nurse drew some blood samples. His vermillion hair looked scruffy and unkempt, most likely due to him rushing to freshen up. He was casually swiping around on his phone in one hand, but the other was shielding his mouth. Whenever Saeran used to feel agitated he would bite his nails until they bled, but now he just went through the motions of nail-biting. It was obvious that he was just as nervous as MC. 

"So how long have you two been together, Mrs. Choi?" The aging assistant asked, motioning towards Saeran. MC forced a smile as she replied, "Almost three years." In this area it was quite unconventional for partners to have children out of wedlock, so it would be best to just pretend. Her 'husband' nearly dropped his cellphone and gawked in disbelief. The two made eye contact and she narrowed her eyes slightly, wordlessly telling him to just roll with it. The nurse fell for their charade and grinned from ear-to-ear. "Such beautiful, young parents! Take care of one another!" And maybe don't cheat on them, MC snarked to herself, thinking the conversation would just end there. But Saeran was quick to answer, a rosy glow tinting his cheeks. "I will, I love her and our baby more than anything in this world." 

He sounded— and looked—  so sincere. It flustered MC and she immediately averted her gaze. The nurse abruptly gathered her things and headed for the door. "Dr. Oh will be with you shortly," she said before dismissing herself.   

Now alone in the tiny examination room, the tension seemed almost suffocating. MC opened her mouth to speak, but her ex-lover cut her off. "You wanted me to play along, right?" He was right. She had completely forgotten. "Oh... Yeah," she muttered, now concentrating on counting the number of blue tiles on the floor.

One, two, three. Why did he say that?

Four, five, six, seven, eight. Did he mean it?

Nine, ten. Why did he look genuinely happy?

Fourteen. Wait, did she miss some numbers?

MC's musings were interrupted by the arrival of a short, stocky man in a white coat. "Pleased to meet you two, I'm Doctor Oh, and I'll be the physician for the duration of your pregnancy." His demeanor was brief and to-the-point, and as soon as he sat down he flipped through MC's medical chart. Dr. Oh rubbed his chin contemplatively, occasionally grunting when something caught his interest. MC nervously fiddled with her fingers, unsure of what she should do. 

"Alright, Mrs. Choi. I'd like you to lay back on the examination bed while I conduct a routine inspection." MC obliged and reclined onto the uncomfortable table while Saeran put down his phone. Dr. Oh poked and prodded MC, especially near her abdominal area. "Ma'am, you say you're," the doctor paused, double-checking his notes, "15 weeks along?" She drew in a sharp breath, almost as if she was too afraid to answer. "Yes, although it's a rough estimation." The burly physician returned his attention back to the patient, still examining her bump. The suspense was too much for her to handle— she needed to know if her baby was okay. "Dr. Oh, is the baby healthy?" He leaned back and rifled through pages of documents, before eventually clearing his throat. "Mrs. Choi... I'm going to be brutally honest with you. I am very concerned that your current state might jeopardize the safety of your child." That was it. She had already failed as a mother. Tears welled in her eyes as she struggled to comprehend what the doctor was saying.

"Anemic.... Mal...rition... Induce labor... Remedy..." 

It took all of her effort to process what those words meant, but even then it was all a blur. Was this because she couldn't keep any food down unless Saeran was around? Had she put her unborn child in harm's way due to her stubbornness? Why did she have to be such a failure? MC felt herself sink deeper into despair until something warm clasped her hand—  effectively bringing her back from the brink of those dark thoughts. She desperately wanted to reach out and hug the warmth that enveloped her hand, but MC could only muster enough energy to focus on the ceiling. She was sure that Dr. Oh was asking her questions, but her mouth wouldn't cooperate. Someone else spoke on her behalf... Was it Saeran? 

Peeling her eyes off the paneled ceiling, MC saw Saeran's mouth moving as he talked to her physician. He looked concerned, yet oddly calm. Every now and again he would peer at her from the corner of his eye and give her a half-smile. But his eyes weren't full of unbridled joy. Instead, they contained a hint of disappointment and sadness. Was he mad at her? Or at himself? Either way, it only made MC feel even worse than before, causing her to recoil further into herself until she was a sniffling, teary-eyed shell. She didn't notice Dr. Oh's departure, nor did she notice the bag of prescribed vitamins he had given to Saeran. No, none of that phased her at all.

MC did notice the soft hitching of his breath as the pressure on her hand increased. She noticed the way he dipped his head lower, lower, lower, until his lips softly grazed her knuckles. Wait, had Saeran been holding her hand this whole time? Without any time to comprehend the situation, she felt Saeran planting kisses along the prominent contours of her hand. She could see it now— how frail and withered she looked. Her hand was merely skin and bones. The barrage of kisses stopped, and Saeran's gentle amber eyes fixed on hers. 

"Don't worry, MC. You'll be okay," he whispered into her palm. "I promise everything will be okay." 

Something told her to trust Saeran; to believe in him like he believed in her. For the first time in a long while, MC relinquished all of her self-doubts and forgot about that wretched night. Right now, she needed to lean on, and Saeran was right by her side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When will the tension between MC and Saeran finally snap?!?! (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
> 
> Find out next time, on "Reasons Why Cheating is Bad and How it Can Lead to Trust Issues"


	11. Trust Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saeran POV!  
> Inspired by The Rose- "Sorry" (This song could honestly be Saeran's theme song rn... It's so beautiful, I suggest giving it a listen!)

Saeran couldn't stop thinking about last night. 

It was so bad that he restlessly grazed his teeth over his nail beds, mimicking the action of nail-biting. Saeran had long since abandoned the nervous tic he had developed as a side-effect from the elixir, but the action helped pacify his nerves. He also couldn't stop obsessing over the tiny show of kindness from MC— the blanket she placed over him that morning. Saeran really hadn't meant to fall asleep in her hallway, he was so exhausted that his legs gave out from underneath him. A huge part of him was glad that he did overwork himself because MC graced him with a lovely way to wake up. But the sensible side told him it was just her duty; no need to read too into it. But maybe he  _wasn't_ misinterpreting her actions... Was he? MC willingly let him into her apartment, that in and of itself was a big display of trust. She obviously felt more comfortable around him, comfortable enough to not shirk his arm away when he guided into the clinic. 

Damn it. He was getting obsessive again, and he needed to stop. MC didn't love him anymore— like she said, it was over the moment he cheated on her and lied to her face. 

Trying to take his mind off of everything, Saeran browsed the second-hand retail app that MC had been looking at. The redhead knew his ex-girlfriend was a practical woman. She would rather buy something, in her words, well-loved, than buy a brand new gear. After scrolling for quite some time, Saeran found the stroller MC had been eyeing and messaged the seller. He had been so enthralled in the internet shopping that Saeran tuned out the conversation between MC and her attending nurse. It was probably girl talk or something. But his ears perked when the greying woman asked MC how long they had been together. Shit. Shitshitshit. He had forgotten to tell MC he registered her as MC Choi, due to the clinic being rather conservative in their ethics on unplanned pregnancies. It was stupid to care so much about something so trivial; if a child's parents loved them, then does their marital status even matter?

MC probably hated him, so why would she go along with his fib?

But she did. 

And Saeran felt like his wretched heart couldn't even handle it. 

Seeing that deceptively fake smile plastered on her lips broke him. He could see the twitch of her lips as she strained herself to look happy. Oh how badly Saeran wanted to wrap his beautiful, perfect princess in his arms and beg for her forgiveness. He would beg for forgiveness for as long as she wanted, so long as he could see her genuine smile. And thankfully, by the grace of whatever higher power existed, the nurse gave him an opening to convey his feelings. "Take care of one another!" Saeran locked eyes with MC and poured every ounce of love he could into his words: "I will, I love her and our baby more than anything in this world." That was no lie— the ex-hacker knew there was no other woman for him. No one else could understand him like she did, no one loved him and his personas. He worshipped her, and Saeran was certain he would love their child just as much. 

He had clearly flustered MC by his sincerity. Why did he always have to fuck everything up? Stupid. So stupid. He was projecting himself way too much, which would only push MC away even more. Saeran went into damage-control and switched off his emotions. No more slip-ups. "You wanted me to play along, right?" He wished they weren't pretending. "Oh... Yeah." MC sounded almost... disappointed? No, that was definitely relief. She was relieved. And probably annoyed, judging by the way she was glaring holes into the tile floors. Saeran gave the brunette her space, deciding to return to his phone. Again, the Gods must be in his favor today, because the owner of the stroller agreed to sell for a little less than asking price. He sent a few messages back and forth to arrange a pick-up location, only putting his phone down when the doctor began to examine MC. 

Saeran was worried about very few things in his life. While he mostly worried about MC and about his sadistic alter-ego re-emerging, neither of those feelings could compare to the dread he felt as Dr. Oh inspected the mother of his child. The man clearly lacked a vocabulary, as he only hummed in contemplation whenever he studied his notes. Saeran was worried that MC's declining health would pose an issue, but it was better to remain hopeful. He needed to be strong for her, no matter what.

It was almost as if MC read his mind. Saeran could hear the fearfulness in her voice as she addressed Dr. Oh, asking if the baby was healthy. Saeran subconsciously scooted closer to her, anticipation gripping his body. "Mrs. Choi... I'm going to be brutally honest with you," the stocky doctor stated. Honesty was good, but brutal honest meant bad news was coming. "I am very concerned that your current state might jeopardize the safety of your child." Saeran immediately looked at MC, who was already beginning to cry. "We ran a hemoglobin test, and you are currently anemic. This was most likely caused by your severe malnutrition, but we're thankful you came in when you did. If you had visited us any later, we would have had to induce an early labor. I know this sounds scary, but there is a remedy." The doctor looked at a shell-shocked MC. She looked defeated— despondently staring into the distance. Saeran knew she was probably being hard on herself, blaming everything on the choices she'd made. His heart withered at the sight. 

"Mr. Choi, I can prescribe iron supplements, as well as prenatal multivitamins. This won't reverse any potential damage, but it will help your wife get back on track to a healthy pregnancy." The redhead subconsciously gripped MC's hand when he heard the word _'_ _wife'._ He rationalized this display of affection trying to keep up appearances, but he needed something to ground him to reality. He could do this for her— he would do it all for her. The two men discussed specifics: when the vitamins should be taken, what foods MC should eat, and how much rest she needed. Dr. Oh also strongly suggested they return in 3 weeks for an ultrasound, as well as another check-up. Saeran agreed to everything and promised to take better care of his _'wife'_. Every now and then, he would sneak a peek at MC and give her a lazy smile, trying to mask his guilt behind a forced composure. 

This was all his fault. 

If he hadn't been such a fucking moron— such a selfish idiot— this would be a normal, happy visit. None of this would have happened if he had just kept his dick in his pants. MC wouldn't have left him. She wouldn't have to work such a demeaning job. She wouldn't have to skimp on her meals in order to keep the lights on. Saeran Choi truly felt like the lowest of the low. A real-life villain. These feelings suffocated him, consumed him. Why was he such a bastard? Even Unknown wouldn't have acted like such a lowlife. The only comforts Saeran had was there was a solution. MC's situation apparently wasn't all that uncommon, according to Dr. Oh. But he also took solace in the fact that this would help him atone for his wrongdoings. Even if MC never took him back, even if she found another man to love her, Saeran would be happy as long as both she and their baby were healthy.

He drew in a sharp breath, already cursing himself for being weak to MC's touch. Her bony hand felt like fragile glass in his, but that didn't stop Saeran from kissing every inch of her dorsum. He trailed kisses to the juncture of her hand and wrist, then flipped her hand face-up. "Don't worry, MC. You'll be okay," Saeran whispered into the flesh of her palm. "I promise everything will be okay." This time around he wouldn't disappoint her. This was one promise he would never break. Saeran just needed her to believe in him. It was almost like a trust fall exercise— MC needed to have faith that she would fall into the safety of his arms. Much like she trusted the naive Ray and the manipulative Unknown, she needed trust that Saeran wouldn't abandon her or the baby. He wouldn't hurt her, not again.

Trancing small circles over the delicate skin of her hand, Saeran pulled the sniffling MC off the examination bed and carded his fingers through her hair. It was intimate, but also an innocent display of comfort. They stood there for a while— was it seconds, minutes, hours? It was just enough time for MC to calm down and compose herself once more. She never once released the hold Saeran had on her hand, not even as they walked to the check-out station. She was probably just hormonal for wanting to hold the hand of someone so vile and worthless, he thought. As they exited the building, Saeran noticed a mother cooing at her baby in its stroller. Just then, a wonderful idea came to mind. With his free hand, Saeran hastily sent a quick message to someone and then turned to face MC. He was almost bouncing on his feet as he grinned madly, like an excited child.

"I got you a surprise!" 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope this chapter isn't too rushed or sloppy. I'm actually going on a quick camping trip and I had so many ideas in my head that I needed to write them ASAP. Once again, thank you so so so much to all my dedicated readers, as well as first-time readers <3
> 
> Please be patient with me for the publication of my next chapter^^;;


	12. Crowns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay, okay I know poor MC just keeps getting more bad news, that's why this chapter is super fluffy and sweet. I swear I have cavities after writing this! 
> 
> Inspired by BTS- "Euphoria", The Gorillaz- "To Binge"

MC and Saeran walked hand-in-hand for quite a while. He had apparently opted for the more scenic route through the city so they both could meander through the city parks. The summer heat had thankfully been merciful the past few weeks, and the park was full of life. Children crowded the playgrounds, their giggling filling the air with the same childish excitement. Joggers and bikers haphazardously wove between couples both young and old. Waterfowl and squirrels congregated around benches just waiting to be fed. All flowers and trees were in full bloom; everything looked— felt— alive. As the pair lazily strolled through the park, something caught Saeran's eye. He shuffled MC over to the nearest bench and sat her down without an explanation. The absence of Saeran's warm hand reminded MC that they were holding hands in the first place. They were both overstepping a line that shouldn't be crossed, but that didn't matter. She was enthralled in whatever task the redhead was absorbed in. Saeran momentarily kneeled by a bed of blue flowers, then moved to a bed of daisies. He remained crouched for a few minutes until he abruptly stood up and hid something behind his back.

"Close your eyes," he said loudly as he returned from the wildflowers. MC initially pouted but relented to his request. She felt Saeran's deft fingers comb through her hair, sending a shiver of anticipation down her spine. A light pressure tickled her temples and forehead, further heightening the excitement of the surprise. The brunette wiggled in her seat, "Can I-?" Saeran hummed contemplatively, then answered MC before she could finish her sentence, "You can open your eyes when I give the okay, alright?" MC felt the exhale of his breath on her forehead as he smiled those last few words. She wanted to see it— the carefree, toothy grin that melted her heart instantly. Screw waiting, she wanted to catch him off guard.

Fluttering both eyes open, MC was surprised to see a guarded Saeran. He wasn't beaming like she had imagined, instead, he looked solemn. "I told you, no peeking," he chided softly. MC tilted her head slightly, feeling a slight shift along the top of her head. Almost as if it were her imagination, the forlorn look on Saeran's face disappeared and was replaced with a half-smile. MC studied the man before her; he held no bouquets like she had imagined. In fact, he was empty-handed. "Saeran, what'd you make me?" He ran his fingers through her hair again, and she certainly wasn't oblivious of the way his thumb and forefinger lingered at the tips. For a split second, MC wished he hadn't let go either. 

"A crown befitting of a princess," Saeran whispered. 

MC instinctively patted her head and felt it: the familiar, soft sensation of flower petals. After gingerly removing the flower crown from her head, MC studied the woven perennials curiously. Weeping, indigo flowers were entwined with tiny daisies, creating a perfect ring. MC peeled her eyes off the floral arrangement and gazed up at Saeran, who was biting his lip. "A flower crown?" He nodded in response, before averting eye contact. "I remembered that one time in Magenta... You asked Ray— well, me to teach you how to make a flower crown, but we never got around to it," he trailed off. It surprised MC that Saeran remembered such a minuscule detail from so long ago. The fragile crown was lovely, and the fact that it was hand-made from a long-forgotten promise only flattered her even more. She giggled and lifted the crown back onto her head, thanking Saeran profusely. 

"It's beautiful, I love it!" The ex-hacker seemed pleased by her response and continued to watch her reaction. MC knew that Saeran never made a floral arrangement without giving it some significance; it was one of Ray's traits that remained over the years. Each flower or herb had to be picked with a specific purpose in mind, often being based on the "language" of flowers. Apparently, there was a science behind it, or so Ray had told her. That most likely meant that this crown had been made with a deeper significance— untold emotions only nature could express.

Broaching the subject carefully, MC peered at Saeran inquisitively. "What do these flowers mean?" 

"Nothing, I just thought they were pretty," he replied blandly. 

MC smirked, wanting to tease him for his obvious lie. "Sure, sure, Mr. Blue-Rose-Means-Unattainable-Love~"

The redhead shot her a piercing glare, not wanting to be reminded of his softer alter-ego's, as Saeran called it, 'pathetic attempt at romance.' A dejected MC sighed in defeat, standing to stretch her legs before continuing their walk. "Fiiine, sorry I asked," she continued, "Let's finish this walk, it's getting pretty hot." Saeran nodded and followed behind MC silently.

Things were quiet, almost uncomfortably quiet. But MC was used to Saeran's stoic, taciturn nature. Whenever he had something to think about, he would withdraw from speaking until his mind was made up, and now must have been one of those occasions. As they neared a pond full of ducklings, MC noticed a patch of yellow wildflowers. They were small, but their brilliant golden hue reminded her of Saeran's eyes. She plucked a few and tied them together, only shooing Saeran away when he got close enough to peek. The result was her crude version of a flower crown: not as elegant and tidy as Saeran's, but full of just as much thought. Mimicking Saeran, MC held her hands behind her back, "I won't ask you to close your eyes because I wanna see your reaction." Her face flushed slightly at her confession. Wasn't she supposed to be mad at Saeran? Why was she acting like a blushing idiot around him?

The brunette held out her hands, already feeling embarrassed about her basic rendition of a floral crown. Whereas Saeran's was lush and ornate, hers was plain. It also didn't help that Saeran looked taken aback by her gift— a look of mild confusion painting his face. "MC... Why did you make this?" She blinked, and innocently said, "I thought they looked cute." Her response was enough to elicit a fit of laughter from Saeran. He brushed some hair out of his eyes as he regained his composure, still snickering to himself. "Are you trying to make fun of me? These are dandelions," he explained, taking the crown from MC. "They're weeds. A nuisance."

"Oh..." MC said in a near-whisper. Saeran was probably offended that she gave him what could easily be perceived as trash... But weren't dandelions the cute tufts of puff? The same plant that contained a million wishes? To her, they weren't weeds, but a whimsical flower that carried people's hopes and dreams into the wind. The way he talked about the dandelions led MC to believe he wasn't exactly _just_ talking about a flower. She stole the crown back and placed it on top of Saeran's unruly hair. "Well to me, dandelions aren't weeds." MC placed her creation atop his head and admired her work. "They're beautiful, that's why I picked them." Saeran stared at her, speechless. His expression was unreadable— was he upset or happy? Or both? Before MC could say anything else, Saeran broke the silence between them. "Daisies are a celebration of motherhood... Mainly recognizing childbirth, but also new beginnings." He moved closer to MC, fingering a petal of her crown between his index finger and thumb. "The blue flower, hyacinths, symbolize sincerity and loyalty...." His eyes then fixed on MC's and she felt her body pulling herself into him, their proximity now decreasing by the second. Saeran's soft hand cupped her cheek affectionately, with his slightly calloused thumb stroking her cheekbone. "I really am sorry, princess..." MC leaned into Saeran's palm, reveling in the familiar feeling of his touch. What could she say to that? They probably looked like fools to the rest of the world: two people wearing childish flower crowns standing in the middle of a park. But to MC, they were the only people left on Earth. Her heart was beating so hard it felt like it would leap out of her chest. Was she ready to forgive Saeran? After all, the wounds from their separation were still fresh... 

Saeran must have sensed her apprehension, and removed his hand from her cheek, instead using his index finger to shush MC. "Don't feel pressured to tell me what you think I want to hear," he assured. And that was enough for her.

"Well," Saeran said, breaking out of their intimate embrace. "Let's go shopping!"

* * *

 Saeran's idea of a surprise was to bring MC to the baby supply store. It was spontaneous, and thankfully MC had created a wishlist on her phone, thus allowing them to shop for the specific things she needed. After visiting a few isles, MC realized that shopping with Saeran was going to be quite a frustrating task. He'd stop every couple of feet and casually mention that 'suchandsuch high tech device would be useful for the baby'. She didn't have the money for anything he picked out, even though he insisted on purchasing everything himself. 

When Saeran picked up a BabyLand milk warmer that could speak in 15 different languages and suggested it would be a good investment, MC had just about had it. She tossed a pair of infant diapers into the shopping cart and crossed her arms defiantly. " _That_ is a waste of money, and from this point on I'm making a new rule: anything one person picks out, the other has to buy." Saeran quirked his eyebrow and nodded in agreement, "How about we make this a competition? Whoever gets the most items off the list wins, and has to buy the loser ice cream." 

"Oh, so that's how you want to play, huh? Fine, but no dirty tricks. And we'll set a time limit of 35 minutes," MC added. "Let me send you my list, I can give you editing permission so we can update it in real-time." Saeran peeked over her shoulder just as MC typed in the recipient, somehow forgetting his contact had been saved as 'The Jerk'. She cringed when she saw it, but Saeran didn't say anything at all. "Haha, well... Sorry about that, I'll change it right now!" MC fussed with the contact information while Saeran went to retrieve his own shopping cart. By the time he had returned, MC was ready to go. With one hand on her phone and the other on the cart's handle, she began her countdown. "3... 2... Hey!" Saeran had shot off like a rocket, barrelling down an aisle full of bottles and pacifiers, throwing random packages into his cart. "Looks like you'll be buying ice cream tonight, princess!" A disgruntled MC followed suit, grabbing baby formula and teething rings. "Not on my watch!"

Their raucous laughter could be heard across the store, as well as the colorful curses words they'd shout when they realized the other person had already crossed something off their list. It was the most fun MC had had in a while, especially when she saw that she and Saeran were tied, with only one item left between the two of them: their baby's first stuffed toy. Breaking out into a sprint, the pregnant MC ran to the toy section and found herself face-to-face with an equally out-of-breath Saeran. They were both equidistant from the toy display, and MC knew she had to act fast or be prepared to lose. Grabbing a plush lamb with a bow around its neck, MC tossed it into her shopping cart. It landed right on top of a big box and she fist-bumped the air in victory. "Ha! In your face," she jeered, shoving her phone hear Saeran's face. He grabbed her wrist and twirled her around, "Congratulations, princess."

Once again, MC gave no mind to scold him. Today was a one-time exception; she had failed as a mother, and if Saeran calling her 'princess' made him feel better, then she would let it slide. It didn't  _really_ bother her anyway. It was just a word, right? 

"Hmm," MC murmured. "Lemme see what's in your cart!" Saeran sheepishly scratched his head and showed MC all that he had collected. His cart was full of baby clothes: onesies, mittens, hats, shoes, and pajamas. There were a few other odd ends as well, like pacifiers, blankets, and a car seat. Much to her surprise, everything Saeran had picked was either yellow, white, or green— not a hint of pink or blue in sight. He leaned on the cart handle, glancing down at his selections. "Since we don't know the gender yet, I figured this was better..." MC smiled fondly at Saeran's thoughtfulness, happy that he didn't concern himself too much on whether their child was a boy or a girl. 

The pair pushed their carts to a check-out line and began unloading all of Saeran's stuff first since MC would be paying for it. Thankfully, he was conscientious enough to choose things that were either on sale or were very affordable. After paying, MC helped Saeran unload her selections, and blushed when he saw the BabyLand milk warmer nestled away between the diaper boxes. "If you wanted this, you could've just asked," he smirked. MC failed to come up with a retort, instead deciding to blow her bangs with a puff of air.

Once finished, Saeran packed all the bags into a shopping cart and called for a taxi. The two waited outside the store, the dwindling daylight receding behind the taller buildings of the city. MC subconsciously pat her head, feeling for the flower crown to see if it was still there, which it was.  She had a lot on her mind— the morning initially started off all wrong but had improved exponentially since then, and it was all thanks to Saeran. He kept her mind from dwelling on the bad news; he kept her feeling positive and hopeful. She dare even say he made her feel appreciated. But at whose expense? It was evident that Saeran still wanted to get back together, but that was a commitment that MC was still unsure about.

But there  _were_ two things MC was sure about: she once loved— and probably always would always love— the father of her child, Saeran Choi, and that she wanted to have ice cream with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone have guesses as to the baby's gender? ;-)


	13. Boundaries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just for reference, MC is now roughly 25 weeks (6 months) along~
> 
> Inspired by Billie Eilish- "Hostage"

**MC:**

_Where are you?_

_Hurry!!!_

 

**Saeran:**

_Im cpming_

_Runnimg as fst as I cam_

 

MC caught a glimpse of bright red hair and excitedly jumped up and down while waving one arm, while the other coiled around her now-prominent baby belly. She noticed Saeran turn around himself, searching for her amidst the crowd. "Saeran, over here!" Disregarding the odd looks from other market-goers, MC hopped excitedly from foot to foot while caressing her abdomen. He wove his way through the crowd until finally reuniting with MC, a wild grin painted on his face.

"Quick, quick!!"

MC grabbed both of Saeran's hands, placing them on either side of her belly. Both stood, waiting, anticipating, hoping, for a kick. But after a few seconds of stillness, Saeran's arms dropped. "I guess I missed it," he whined. These past few weeks the baby began to start kicking more frequently, and every time Saeran tried to feel he never made it in time. MC could tell that it had begun to take a toll on him, with Saeran rationalizing this as the baby hating its father. She patted a rather dejected Saeran on his shoulder, giving him the most sympathetic look possible. "I tried my best... There's always next time!" And that was the truth: there _definitely_ were many other opportunities. Most of MC's free-time was now spent with Saeran. They didn't do much— walking to and from her work, reading parenting books and going to the morning markets— but it was enough to make her second-guess whether they were acting too friendly with one another. To make matters even worse, MC wasn't even bothered by the amount of time they spent together. She always had fun, and the baby seemed to be more at ease with Saeran around too. The boundaries she had set were definitely blurring, and that was making things more confusing than ever before. As much as MC wanted to blame Saeran, she knew she was at fault too. Why did she let him hold her hand when they went on walks? Why did she try to comfort him whenever his work frustrated him? Why did she feel the tell-tale butterflies in her stomach whenever he called her princess? There was no reason to. There was no future with him, right?

"Have you eaten yet, MC?" 

She lowered her eyes, focusing on the cobblestone walkway instead. Truth be told, MC had completely neglected to bring money with her. Since Saeran usually paid for everything, and it had become a habit for her to leave her wallet at home. "I'll take it that you're hungry?" He tugged on MC's arm, pulling her towards an ice cream stand. MC found it adorable how he would constantly nag her to eat healthy when  _he_ was the one spoiling her meals with sweets. "Oh, so you had ulterior motives I see," MC said and she jokingly placed her hand on her heart. The redhead raised his arms in defeat, "The heart wants what the heart wants." 

Why did that comment immediately make her think of wanting Saeran? Not just wanting him, but  _being with him_. Inhaling his scent, exchanging sweat, locking lips... 

The visibly flustered MC slapped a hand over her eyes, trying to rid herself of such ridiculous thoughts. This weird friendly flirtation between them needed to stop  _now_ , because her pregnancy hormones were at an all-time high. The two of them were nearing dangerous territory: emotional attachment. She still remembered everything about that night: taking the pregnancy tests, restlessly waiting for Saeran to return, and then making love with him just a few hours after he put his dick in someone else. She remembered the heartache, the pain, the torment of watching the life she had built crumble before her very eyes. She remembered the struggle to find employment, to find a place to call home. She remembered having to abandon her old life and leave her friends behind. No matter how warm the late-summer sun was, it couldn't ward off the icy chill that crept into MC's heart. She felt isolated— knowing she could never have her old life back because it had been destroyed the moment she decided to leave. 

But a familiar warmth thawed away that cold, dark feeling. A hand over her own, soft yet rough. Protective. Safe. 

It was Saeran's hand. The hand whose contours she had memorized back in Magenta.

"Are you alright? You look upset," he asked, kneading MC's hand gently. That snapped her right back to reality and she instinctively yanked her hand back. "Oh... Yeah, just pregnancy brain, you know," MC sputtered. "I can't even remember what I was thinking about a few seconds ago!" Her answer seemed to placate Saeran, and he left it at that. 

"They were out of your favorite, so I got you some mint chocolate chip with extra whipped cream and a cherry," Saeran said proudly as he passed MC the styrofoam cup. "I'm not sure if you still like the flavor, but I thought the baby might, considering that's how their mama and papa got together."

MC nodded, so overcome with emotion she couldn't muster a verbal thank you. 

It seemed so long ago, this memory of hers. One of her first few nights at the Mint Eye headquarters, MC couldn't stop crying. She felt afraid and lonely. None of the disciples talked to her and Rika terrified her. Ray was the only one who cared, who showed her any sort of affection, but that day he hadn't stopped by at all. So MC cried. And cried. And cried. Well into the night, once her tears had dried up, there was a soft knock on her door. Her eyes and throat hurt, and her body felt like a limp noodle, but somehow MC had found the energy to answer. Ray, who looked so worn-out, held two bowls full of ice cream, with enough whipped cream to fill up a bathtub. He told MC that Rika had given him a lot of work, but he still felt horrible for leaving her alone all day. He apologized almost a million times, only stopping when MC pointed-out that the ice cream was melting. Together, the two of them ate on her bed, cross-legged and without a care in the world. They spoke for what felt like hours— talking about everything, yet nothing. 

And then he kissed her. It was chaste and innocent, much like Ray himself, but full of so much adoration. The second their lips parted, he immediately flushed a bright pink, almost putting his magenta coat to shame. _"You had some ice cream on your lip,"_ he said. MC returned the gesture, giving him a shy smile afterward.  _"I love you, too."_ Thinking back to it, it seemed almost impossible to fall in love so quickly. 5 days, that's all it took. Despite the personality changes, despite the risks, despite everything, the two of them overcame the odds together. 

MC didn't even notice she was crying— not until the same warm, familiar hand brushing away a stray tear from her cheek. She didn't know why she was. Why did she care if he had loved her and she had loved him? None of that mattered anymore.

"Princess, tell me what's wrong," Saeran pleaded, molten gold eyes full of concern. MC just shook her head, convincing herself it was just pregnancy hormones.

"Nothing... It's just really good ice cream," she sniffled. The redhead held his gaze, still searching for the truth behind the tears. A slow, subtle smile spread across his features, almost as if he knew a secret that he shouldn't know. MC felt the hand on her cheek move until it was resting just below her jaw, thumb poised at on the junction of her lips. Saeran's thumb grazed across the corner, then popped into his mouth.  "You had some ice cream on your lip."

 

_"I love you, too."_

 

Then, like nothing had happened at all, Saeran stood up and offered his free hand to MC, the other still holding his cone. "C'mon, let's go! We have a doctor in need of visiting!"

* * *

Clad in a paper gown and hospital slippers, MC swung her legs above the linoleum floor. Besides the ticking clock and an occasional grunt from Saeran, who was engrossed in his phone, the only other sound was the soft thud as her feet hit the base of the bed. During her last visit, Dr. Oh mentioned a higher red blood cell count but was still concerned that MC was a bit underweight. Hopefully, this visit would be more positive, especially because it would be the first time seeing their little one. "Stop that," Saeran fussed as he grabbed one of MC's ankles, not peeling his eyes from the LCD screen. He had already perfected his 'dad voice', which made MC's heart swell with contentment. Even if there was unspoken tension between them, it was reassuring to know that Saeran would be a great father regardless. 

"I can't help it," she groaned. "What if there's something wrong?"

Saeran put his phone down— probably ready to convince MC that her worries were misplaced— but the office door creaked open, and Dr. Oh walked in. His nose was buried in the medical charts he always carried, but unlike last time, this time he was actually  _smiling_. "Well, Mrs. Choi, you seem to be making a fast recovery! I'm glad your husband has been taking such good care of you," he mused. "Everything looks good, really good." Both parents released sighs of relief, exchanging congratulative looks as the doctor retrieved the ultrasound jelly. MC leaned back on the table and undid the front flap, cringing slightly at the sensation of the cold lubricant. Saeran was quick to hold her hand, lacing his thing fingers with hers and kissing them lightly. This was it. After a month and a half of worrying, she'd finally be able to see her little angel. Dr. Oh checked his chart once more, then pressed the wand to MC's exposed belly. 

A black and white blob materialized on the screen. Her baby.

Their baby. 

MC was too shocked for words, instead just staring at the monitor in awe. Saeran, on the other hand, sniffled quietly and squeezed her hand harder. "The baby is still measuring small by about two weeks. I would still continue your vitamin regimen because any other complications could lead to an early labor and the risk of a premature birth," Dr. Oh said. He moved the wand a few more times, before focusing on their unborn child's well-defined profile. "Would you like to know the gender?"

Both sets of heads adamantly shook from side to side. Saeran wiped his reddened eyes before speaking, glancing down at MC affectionately as he did so. "We want it to be a surprise." Dr. Oh nodded and went back to the monitor, typing a few commands into his keyboard before initiating conversation again. "I've printed three copies for you to pick up at check out. Mr. and Mrs. Choi, I really am glad for you two," he said as he cleaned the jelly off MC's stomach. The stocky man dismissed himself shortly after, leaving the soon-to-be parent's alone to digest the news.

Saeran and MC sat in complete silence, both in awe and shock at seeing their creation on screen. She always wondered why parents got so worked up over a silly ultrasound, but now that she was in the same position she couldn't help but feel elated. MC let out a shaky laugh, running a hand through her chestnut hair. Now that they had seen their little angel, Mc was beginning to regret not asking the gender. But this baby  _was_ a surprise in the first place, so it would be better for their gender to be an even bigger surprise.

"What do you think it's gonna be?" She asked, breaking the pregnant silence between them.

Saeran, still grinning like a madman, shrugged. "I think it might be human."

"Well  _obviously_. My mother's intuition can tell me that much," MC retorted. "But seriously, what do you think? Should we go back and ask the doctor to tell us?"

Suddenly, Saeran's demeanor changed completely. MC recognized that look in his eyes. It was the same look he had given her that night they shared the mint ice cream. The same look when he cornered her in the hallway at the rehearsal dinner, and when he found out she was pregnant. The same look that he had given her not too long ago as he brushed the ice cream off her lips. A look full of pure affection— full of countless weeks devoted to caring for her and her unborn child, many times without acknowledgment. That look was the reason why MC had cried over ice cream, why she let the lines blur between them without repercussion. Somewhere down the line, she had begun to fall in love with Saeran again—  or maybe she had never stopped at all. And that very thought terrified her. But he had seen her heart's answer.

He saw it from their first encounter post-breakup, and he saw it there on the park bench.

The pupils of his eyes were dilated, almost swallowing his amber iris' whole. Drawing in a deep breath, Saeran inched closer, until he was positioned right between her legs. "I hope," he whispered, his breath still smelled like sugar with a hint of strawberry. "I hope it's happy." Two hands cradled MC's cheeks, and their noses were all but touching as the space between their bodies decreased. She knew what Saeran was going to do and she needed to stop it, push him off and leave the office. He had given her plenty of time to pull away, and yet she stayed.  

But MC couldn't stop him. She couldn't move— couldn't lie to herself that this wasn't what she wanted. When she finally felt Saeran's lips on hers, pouring his entire heart and soul into the kiss, she couldn't help but kiss him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooh. Hope this didn't upset some readers who might have hoped for a different outcome. Don't worry, the story is far from finished! I've also been doing lots of research about pregnancy since I've never given birth, so I hope all my information is accurate! If not, please leave a comment or send me a message and I'll make some changes. 
> 
> For all the readers who've been guessing the gender, all I have to say is that right now I'm currently planning two endings, so you'll have to wait until the *very* last chapters to find out ;-)


	14. Seesaw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saeran POV
> 
> Inspired by Hayley Kiyoko- "He'll Never Love You (HNLY)", BTS- "Trivia 轉: Seesaw"

Intoxicating.

If Saeran had to describe his first kiss with MC, then it would be 'intoxicating'. It was almost three years ago, but he can still remember how he felt:

 

Exhilarated. Addicted.

 

Swamped with work from dawn until dusk, he hadn't gotten a chance to bring MC any of her meals. Savior was beginning to become suspicious of their close friendship, so she assigned more tasks for Ray to busy himself with. Every hour he obsessively checked the CCTV feed to ensure she was fine. He counted every step MC took from her bed to the window— 52 in total— and how many times she sighed throughout the day. 

28 sighs so far. That was 28 too many.

It wasn't until Ray saw MC crying through the monitor that he decided to take a break. Savior had given him strict deadlines to adhere to, lest he fear another cleansing, but the need to comfort his lovely rose took precedence. What cheered him up when he was sad? Ice cream. MC looked like someone who liked sweets, so Ray hoped she would share a bowl with him. He would have to be discreet in the kitchen since any disciple could easily ruin his plans. The only flavor they had in Magenta was, of course, mint. Ray hoped that MC wouldn't be picky. She was a kind, sweet girl—his princess— and he always wanted to give her whatever she liked. 

He was nervous, so very nervous. What if MC didn't open the door? What if she was mad at him and would punish him? Those were possibilities he'd have to live with, but as long as he could see the beautiful, radiant MC's face for merely a second, then he would be happy. Much to his surprise, she opened the door. Her gorgeous brown eyes— which matched her equally gorgeous hair— were red and swollen. Her voice was raw with strain. Ray knew this feeling quite well; he rarely cried now since the Savior took him under her wing, but he used to cry all the time as a child. It was a good idea to bring ice cream because it would surely bring back that bright smile to MC's face. 

And it did! He had done something right for once. Savior would be so proud of him.

But Ray knew MC was even happier than Savior could ever be. She smiled and laughed  _only for him_. MC even dare leave a stray caress on his knee. At that moment, Ray thought his heart would burst from elation. Could the night get any better? Apparently so.

_"Ray, will you tell me about your favorite flower?"_

MC was so thoughtful, asking about what he liked.  _"Well, all flowers hold a place in my heart. But my favorite is you. You are my blue rose."_

 _"Blue rose? What does that mean?"_ She seemed so sincere, listening intently to his frivolousness. 

But gosh, was she so incredibly adorable. MC had failed to notice that in between bites of ice cream she had formed a thin mint mustache. Ray couldn't help but focus on her upper lip as he replied,  _"A blue rose means love at first sight, but also the unattainable..."_

Before he could process what he was doing, his body instinctually moved towards MC. Oh gosh, he was going to kiss her! He had never kissed anyone before, what if he messed up? What if she didn't like him back? But her lips... They were as soft as rose petals, and she smelled so good too. Like dew after the morning rain. Ray pulled back and immediately apologized for doing something so stupid without asking. What kind of gentleman was he if he forced himself onto his princess? _"You had some ice cream on your lip..."_ But the look in MC's eyes was something he had never seen before— did she... enjoy it?

And she kissed him back. This time, it was deeper, needier. Whereas the elixir was bitter with a hint of artificial sweetness, MC was naturally sweet. Ray was never one to imagine his future as anything but work, but he hoped he could kiss his princess some more in the future. When they finally parted, MC gave him the shiest smile yet. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes half-lidded— it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. But not as beautiful as what she said afterward:  _"I love you, too."_   Ray thought that nothing could ever beat that feeling. It was singlehandedly the best kiss he had ever had.

Up until now.

The kiss they shared right now reminded Saeran of their first kiss all those years ago. The same electric spark, the same chemistry, the same passion, but this time it was stronger. More possessive. Saeran slanted his mouth to deepen the kiss, relishing in the sweetness of MC's lips that he had missed for nearly 6 months. He was lost in those rose petal lips, forgetting that they were still in the doctor's office. The redhead tangled his fingers in MC's hair and angled her head so he could take in more of her essence, more of her scent, her everything. She let out the slightest moan, and Saeran took that as a sign to hold her tighter, his hands wandering to the plump flesh of her bottom. 

But just like their first kiss, this one was cut short too soon. A nurse entered and let out a startled gasp, covering her eyes with some documents. MC immediately pushed herself off Saeran, who was so entranced by her swollen lips and flushed face that he couldn't even move. God, was she perfect. 

"A-Ah, I'm so sorry. I'll just wait outside," the nurse apologized as she scurried out of the room. MC focused on the floor, awkwardly covering her hospital gown-clad chest in embarrassment. "Saeran, I have to change..."

He nodded and took his leave. After paying for the visit and picking up the three ultrasound pictures, he noticed his phone buzzing like crazy. Saeran's eyes nearly popped out of his skull when he saw he had 12 missed calls and 50 messages from the RFA. Frantically unlocking his phone, he checked the chatroom first. His idiot older brother Saeyoung was currently calling himself an uncle, and Zen was being dramatic as usual...

Wait.  _How did Saeyoung know he was going to be an uncle?_

Saeran frantically dialed the number to his tacky glasses-wearing, chip-loving, loudmouth of a brother. Thankfully, he answered on the first ring, to which Saeran rewarded him with an icy demeanor. "You hacked MC's patient records, didn't you?" 

"Why hello my sweet, loving, little brother! I'm doing fine, how are you?" God, could Saeyoung be annoying.

"Chipper as always, asshole. Why did you tell the RFA? She wanted to keep it a secret."

The older twin drew in a sharp breath, then explained himself. "Look, you've been really flaky on us all lately. You rarely joined the chat, you'd disappear from your apartment at odd hours of the night... I wanted to give you and MC the privacy you both needed, but after 2 months of no contact, I got a bit worried." Saeran's heart hurt a bit knowing that he unintentionally troubled his friends, especially his brother. "Okay, okay. You're right. But still... You've told all the RFA by now. She's going to be so upset..." Saeran could almost hear the metaphorical gears turning in his twin's mind. "Unless... Unless you— _we_ — surprise her!"

"What do you mean?" 

Saeyoung gave a breathy chuckle before continuing, "What I mean is that we throw her a baby shower! I'm sure she misses all of us anyway." For once, his brother had a genuinely good idea. Without a moment's pause, Saeran responded, "Let's do it." But the clack of the closing office door alerted him that MC was finished changing, so he hastily finished his call. "Gotta go, you figure the rest out," he whispered into the receiver. "And please... deal with Zen's wrath for me. I know he probably hates my guts." Just as MC touched his back, Saeran shoved his phone into his jacket pocket. "Hi princess, all good to go now?" She winced slightly, but it was immediately covered up by a bright smile. As the two made their way outside to his car, Saeran walked a half step behind MC, with a hand on her hip and while his other fished for his keys. He then opened the door for MC and needlessly helped ease her into the car before he paused, half in the car, half out, to happily kiss her again.

Saeran's smile faltered when he was sure he felt her tense that time. He separated quickly to really look at her. She seemed confused and scared. Had he made a mistake? Had he misjudged the look he thought he recognized back in the doctor's room? Had she not really wanted to be kissed?

No. He definitely gave MC the opportunity to stop him, he definitely remembered that look. He had only dreamed about seeing it again every night since he found out about the baby. So why was she so hesitant now? Suddenly that godforsaken nag, the one telling him he wasn't good enough— had never been good enough, that he didn't deserve his family— cropped up again. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat, "Hey, MC, is...is everything okay?" He paused, running his fingers through his hair, "Are ...  _we_  okay?"

"I don't know, Saeran," she replied hesitantly, wriggling her fingers together nervously. That answer made Saeran's heart drop— he could deal with rejection, but not like this. Not after such a mind-blowing kiss. He could feel oncoming tears sting his eyes, so he gently shut MC's door and took his place in the driver's seat. White knuckles gripped the steering wheel, his forehead resting on his bent arms. "Do you not want to be with me?" Saeran cursed himself for sounding so pathetic, so weak. "I'm sorry, I just... I don't know. I'm not sure." She sounded so broken, so upset. The younger twin's head shot up, his hands immediately moving to cup MC's cherubic cheeks. How could he have been so stupid? MC sounded— looked— like she was the guilty one.  _He_ was the one who didn't deserve her.  _He_ was the bad guy. "Hey, don't worry. I don't need an answer! It was a dumb thing to ask!" 

The meek nod MC gave him convinced him that she had calmed down a bit. Before turning the key in the ignition, Saeran closed his eyes and committed to memory the way she had looked at him in the doctor's office. MC loved him, right? He reminded himself that repeatedly as he fought the feelings of unworthiness that lingered within his subconscious. 

* * *

It was almost the third time he'd cut himself, and Saeran swore loudly as he slammed the kitchen knife onto the cutting board. "How do you do this, MC? I hate potatoes." MC brushed past him, opening a drawer and procuring a peeler. "First of all, don't use a knife," she chided. "And you have to have a good hold on the potato as well." In one fluid motion, she swiped the peeler over the brown skin and discarded it in the scraps bowl. It amazed him that he, Saeran Choi, the genius hacker, couldn't properly prepare a meal without the help of a princess. She shouldn't have to get her hands dirty, that's why he offered to make dinner for her after all.

"Here, let me do that. You should relax, today was a long day," Saeran said, taking the potato and peeler from MC. She relented but still remained in the kitchen, her back resting on the countertop. He could feel her eyes studying him—  watching him. He continued his task, not giving her the satisfaction of eye-contact. "What is it?" His question must have startled her because she quickly pushed off the counter and looked away. "Nothing, you'll just think it's silly," MC replied shyly. Saeran arched an eyebrow, momentarily pausing his peeling.

"Be honest with me." 

"Well," MC began, "You smell-"

Saeran immediately sniffed himself, self-conscious that he made a bad impression. "Do I smell bad? Oh God, I'm so sorry!" This caused MC to stifle a giggle as she continued. "No no! I told you it's weird. You smell  _good_. All those bouquets you gave me helped the baby with their morning sickness, but you being here in person..." Saeran had already finished the second potato, but he was too nervous to turn around. He was sure MC was blushing, but he didn't want to potentially fluster her. "You being here in person is even better. The baby is always at ease, you know?" 

The redhead wiped his hands on a dish towel and turned to face MC, dropping to his knees to caress her round belly. "Oh, so is that why mama always keeps me around then?" Just then, Saeran felt a quick kick. It was barely noticeable, but he was sure it was the baby. Wide-eyed, he looked up at MC, who was biting back a teary smile. Saeran returned his attention to his unborn child, words catching in the lump in his throat. "Hi my angel, I hope you know papa loves you so much." He pressed a kiss to the clothed belly, his lips dragging across the cotton fabric as he continued speaking, "I can't wait to hold you in my arms, little one. You're going to be so, so loved." 

He drew in a breath, then rested his cheek on the epicenter of the kicks. "I made a mistake once... Your papa was an idiot and hurt your mama's feelings. But I never stopped caring about your mama, okay? And I'll never stop loving you either. I know what it feels like to be an unloved child, and I don't want that for you, angel." Saeran thought he was hallucinating when he felt MC's fingers weave through his hair. 

"There's so much I have to teach you... What plants grow best in which season, how to program your own AI, how to dye your hair." MC coughed loudly and her fingers stilled in his hair, causing Saeran to roll his eyes. "Okay, maybe we won't dye hair. Mama wouldn't like that. But, I just hope you'll love me as much as you'll love your mama..." All of a sudden, the belly he was resting on disappeared and was replaced with MC's hands. They were eye-to-eye now, noses close enough to touch— breath tickling their cheeks. "I know they'll love you, sweetheart," she murmured, chestnut eyes locked on his. 

 _Sweetheart_. It had been so long since he heard his princess, his lifeline, his soulmate, call him such an endearing term. 

"You're a good man, and our little one will know the story about how their papa and mama met, and how he gave her lots of flowers and saved her from some bad people." Saeran smiled slightly, melting at MC's sweetness. How could he ever have doubted her love for him? "Just make sure to leave out that I bit you that one time..." She returned his smile with one of her own, "I think we can wait until they're older to tell them just how kinky their father was."

"Stop it. Don't make me remember how much of a freak I used to be," Saeran groaned, hiding his flushed face behind his hand. This was nearing dangerous waters, and if he didn't stop right now, then it would go too far. He abruptly stood, desperately trying to reign in his emotions. "It's getting late and I have some work to finish. I should go." Hastily making his way to the door, completely abandoning the half-prepped dinner in the process, Saeran threw on his jacket and began fastening his shoes. 

Leaveleaveleave. He didn't deserve her. Saeran hesitated before opening the door, eyes focused on the grain of the wooden door. "I'll be back tomorrow, okay? Have a good night." Before he could twist the knob, MC's hand covered his, sending a spark of electricity through his nerves. 

"Stay with me."

What? Had she asked him to stay? She probably just needed someone to help with dinner... He'd finish the potatoes and then leave. He couldn't let himself get too close— he was terrified of hurting her again. "I can help with dinner but after that, I really should-" His lips were enveloped in a familiar warmth. A familiar taste.

Rose petals. Softness. Sugar. Right? Ice cream. Ultrasound. Desire. Wrong? Yes, this was wrong, so very wrong. But so right.

MC's hands fisted in his shirt as she pushed herself closer, her belly pressing into his abdomen. Saeran responded by parting his lips slightly to deepen the kiss. He drank in her essence, fearful that this was just an illusion. Why did she kiss him first? After nearly half a year of back and forth, why did she choose to want him now? Their mouths worked in a familiar unison, a perfect synchronicity that only soulmates could achieve. There was a slight lull in the kiss, and MC's words ghosted against Saeran's lips. "Please... Don't go." He responded to her request by skimming his fingers down her face: starting at her left temple, around her cheek, up her chin, before finally resting on her swollen lips. That gesture was enough for the both of them, that was all the confirmation needed between them. Tonight, MC needed Saeran just as much he needed her. Captivated by the lips he used to kiss every day, Saeran didn't notice the trail of clothes they left behind as they walked in unison to the bedroom. 

Hours later, long after MC had fallen asleep, Saeran began to feel himself sink into the depths of slumber. MC was spooned into him, her legs tangled with his, her shoulders lightly rising with each breath. One of his hands was resting on her heavy belly, the other one twirled a tendril of hair wistfully. This was all Saeran wanted— to be chosen. MC had chosen to kiss  _him,_ to spend the night with  _him_ on this lumpy mattress. And here he was, holding the love of his life and unborn child. The younger twin, who had once lived an unlucky life, was now the luckiest man alive. Things were still murky between him and MC, but tonight was proof of her love. Of their love. Suddenly, a still-sleeping MC grabbed his wrist and angled his hand to a position on the underside of her belly. Another kick, this time it was soft, almost like the baby was restlessly sleeping. Overwhelmed by everything, Saeran let happy tears drop from his eyes onto the pillowcase.

This moment was real. 

It only reaffirmed Saeran's need to stay awake. He was afraid that if he closed his eyes, all of this would disappear and he would end up alone again. Without his angel and without his princess. He snuggled into MC, his face buried in her long hair. This was all Saeran wanted and he couldn't wait any longer. Just a few more days and he sit MC down to talk to her, flesh things out and define where their relationship stood. But for now, he was happy with the seesaw they teetered on. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I made it clear that MC and Saeran did the deed ;-) I've been listening to BTS' new comeback Love Yourself: Answer on repeat because it's so dang good (their songs will probably inspire the next few chapters anyway lol). Anyway, Suga's trivia "Seesaw" got me really hit me in the feels and was my inspiration for this chapter. Like, I swear I listened to it on repeat. Read the lyrics, because it's one of the most beautifully written, poetic songs I've listened to in a while. I felt it was only natural for the kiss to motivate these two to take it to the next level, if you catch my drift~


End file.
